Season 4 is here, my glip glops! It’s been a loonngggggg time coming and anytime we get new Rick & Morty, I’m gonna squanch all day long baby!

To prep myself, I watched every episode of R&M over the last month+ to rank my top 10 episodes. There isn’t a bad episode in the series so far.

10. M. Night Shaym-Aliens!

Zigerions place Rick in a simulator to find his recipe for dark matter. Jerry nails his apples marketing pitch. The Zigerions don’t like the nude.

9. Vindicators 3: The Return of Worldender

I like The Avengers. I like spoofs on The Avengers. I LOVE Noob Noob

8. The Rickshank Redemption

Classic Rick and Morty. They drop the season premier at midnight on April Fool’s Day. Rick’s plan to divorce Jerry & Beth works, AND he gets his szechuan sauce!

7. Meeseeks and Destroy

I’M MR. MEESEEKS, LOOK AT ME!

6. Pickle Rick

The main character turns himself into a pickle. Idk how they do it.

5. Mortynight Run

I learned that Blips n Chitz is the best goddamn place to visit in the galaxy and if I need someone killed Krombopulos Michael is the guy to hire.

4. A Rickle in Time

Rick breaks his time. Non-stop tomfoolery.

3. The Ricklantis Mixup

Excellent. This is the highest rated episode on IMDB for good reason. We get to follow all the different Ricks and Mortys on the new Citadel of Ricks and it’s crazy how much they pack into a 30 minute episode. Plus, we get Evil Morty!

2. Rixty Minutes

I’m a sucker for all the dumb TV shows they watch. Ball Fondlers, fake doors, the Sneezy XL, Baby Legs & Regular Legs. It’s incredible, and I’m a simpleton.

1. Total Rickall

How can you not go with Total Rickall?

Here’s my complete list of rankings 1-31!

https://www.imdb.com/list/ls090754444/

Directed by Ruben Fleischer
Release date: October 18th, 2019
Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Woody Harrelson, Abigail Breslin, Zoey Deutch

SPOILERS AHEAD

IT’S TIME TO NUT UP OR SHUT UP.

Big excpectations coming into Zombieland: Double Tap. I was a big fan of the original. Loved the comedic, comic book-like, gory, over-the-top action of the first Zombieland. It actually piqued my interest in zombies and led me into watching the first four seasons of The Walking Dead.

The same lovable core group, a couple new characters and another great Bill Murray bit made Zombieland: Double Tap pure entertainment.

IT’S TIME TO KICK SOME DICKS AND REVIEW ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP

Positives

• Woody fricken Harrelson, man! Love it! Tallahassee is my favorite part of the movie. All his over-the-top aggression and passion for killing zombies is just jolly, good fun! Two moments where I legit L-O-L’ed, as the kids say: When Wichita tells him that Little Rock went AWOL with a passivist and he flips shit and ruins the garage. And when riding in a minivan continues to deteriorate his masculinity. Those two bits were brilliant.

• Speaking of good characters, Madison was an excellent addition! Typically, I find the over-the-top characters to be annoying. She is over-the-top dumb but damnit she’s funny! And when Columbus uses her as jealousy leverage, it’s just damn funny!

• I’m a sap, but I dig the love story. Read any of my reviews and you’ll find that I’m head over heels for likable characters tip-toeing around loving one another. Wichita bailing on Columbus after the proposal, Wichita coming back because she misses him, the arguments smoke-screening their actual feelings and then it’s all paid off by the marriage. Just inject it into my veins.
• I’m also a sap for friends that are so close they turn out to be family. And that’s what these guys end up being! Inject this into my veins, too, until I OD!
• The gang mowing zombies down in the front yard of the White House to the beat of Metallica’s Master of Puppets is something I can get behind. It was one of the first scenes, so like 5 minutes into the film I went “yep, I’m gonna dig this movie.” #ZombieKillingMasterofPuppets2020
• Overall, there were many great comedic bits. Tallahassee’s love for Elvis, Berkeley being a poser, Albuquerque and Flagstaff, all the White House stuff and of course….
• BILL FREAKIN MURRAY! Great mid-credits scene seeing Bill Murray waste zombies on Z-Day.

Negatives

• We didn’t get Little Rock a boyfriend!? She dates that douche bag Berkeley, realizes she needs her family more and 5th wheels it forever?! What is that! What was the point of showing her that you don’t need a boyfriend when the other three in the gang all get significant others!?
• It’s a funny movie. Maybe not a great story. But whatever it’s a zombie movie so screw off.

Overall Grade: B

Solid sequel to a really good flick. It’s an entertaining joyride that made me wanting to see more interactions between the characters!

Dwyer and Ace discover that disgruntled spice miners are the root of all evil. Mace Windu was right after all…

Awards

If you have no idea what Trover Saves the Universe is, here’s the description of the game on the website:

Your dogs have been dognapped by a beaked lunatic named Glorkon who stuffed them into his eye holes and is using their life essence to destroy the universe. You’re partnered with Trover, a little purple eye-hole monster who isn’t a huge fan of working or being put in the position of having to save the universe. He’s also not that big a fan of you quite frankly, and neither am I.

(Jk, you’re great)
Only you and Trover can save everything in this bizarre comedy adventure,

Can you guess who made this game after reading that?

Co-creator of Rick and Morty Justin Roiland! Trover Saves the Universe was released in May and I figured I’d save my review for November, the month we get new R&M episodes, my glip-glops!

So let’s review this video game, and “eat some f*****g shit you f*****g dumb bitch.”

Positives

• Free DLC! What a weird concept that if you pay for a full game then DLC should be free *looking at you EA, Rockstar… uhhhh, pretty much any gaming company. I haven’t gotten to play much of the DLC but good for Squanch Games for not being dicks!
• It feels like you’re playing an spin-off episode of R&M. The comedy is improv-Justin Roiland just going off script at will, and it makes the dialogue between Trover (the main character) and you the Chairorpian hysterical. If you don’t move the character and let the game sit idle, Trover (voiced by Roiland) will go on those long, random, stutter-filled rants. It’s hard to describe so here’s a lengthy video of what I’m talking about. Feel free not to watch all of it (shoutout Gamergrade).

• Gameplay is simple. You control Trover to attack enemies, pick up & move objects, jump, and interact with things. That’s pretty much it! But it’s fun like an arcade game and for… 25 bucks (I think… may have been 30) it’s damn worth it! It’s… satisfying but I also have a negative with it.
• The characters you interact with and talk to are fricken hilarious. Once again, it’s classic Rick & Morty randomness.

• SPOILER AHEAD………………… The ending is incredible. You pretty much lose by blowing up the universe BUT you also win because then everybody ends up in the afterlife where all the characters you’ve met are in a state of orgasm pretty much lol. So damn funny.
• Maybe the favorite part of the game is they make “collecting power babies” seem like such a big part and it will help you get upgrades, blah, blah… but at the end they’re for absolutely nothing except a trophy on your PlayStation account lol. One big fat troll!
• It breaks the 4th wall every other second. The characters mention stuff like checking how to beat levels online. Too good.
• Lastly, it’s so god damn funny. I know I already said it but there were multiple times where I was, as the kids say, LMAO.

Negatives

• There is very little content to this game outside the goofy dialogue. I think half the reason I think it’s empty is because I loved South Park: The Stick of Truth and I naturally compared the two. There’s stuff to collect and side quests in Stick of Truth but there’s none of that in Trover. It’s just the main story and power babies and that’s it. Maybe there’s more DLC coming though.
• The gameplay is a plus for the most part. It’s a fun, simple game but maybe too simple for too long. For a while, Trover’s only attack is a regular attack. He get’s more upgrades later on, but it remains very simple and can drag out the game.

Overall Grade: B

Fun, entertaining, solid. It’s definitely not my #1 choice of style for a video game. I’m really into the open world GTA’s, RDR’s and the South Parks (more fleshed out) so it hinders the overall grade for me. The dialogue alone is worth the buy and it’s an easy game to roll through in a day or two. It’s kind of like Heroin Hero in South Park. Overall, I liked it!

Trade Week 1
Trade Week 2
Trade Week 3
Trade Week 4
Trade Week 5
Trade Week 6
Trade Week 7
Trade Week 8
Trade Week 9

FINAL MONTH OF THE REGULAR SEASON! Every team will get one more trade game and I tried to pair playoff contending teams with non-contending teams to steal a pick late. Although there were a couple playoff V playoff matchups to try and balance out some of the teams.

Since there were so many trade games I’m just rattling off all 15 of them and T-Wolves fans… you’re welcome but also sorry.

Raptors def. Knicks *Toronto had won 18 in a row at this point.
TRADE: Dameyon Dotson to TOR

Thunder def. Heat *We don’t like OKC for wasting George, Russ, Fox but whatevs
TRADE: Gordon Heyward to OKC

Wizards def. Bulls *Jusuf Nurkic coming off injury list soon, too.
TRADE: Zach Lavine to WAS

Trail Blazers def. Mavericks *At time of this game, POR not in playoffs…
TRADE: Kristaps Porzingis to POR

Pistons def. Suns *Pistons, likely, gonna sneak in as 8 seed
TRADE: Devin Booker to DET

Clippers def. Cavaliers *Clipps batting for 8 seed w/ Portland, Minnesota, Phoenix
TRADE: Kevin Love to LAC

Rockets def. Spurs *Poor, poor San Antonio
TRADE: Lamarcus Aldridge to HOU

Nets def. 76ers *Two playoff teams, and who wants to see Philly good?
TRADE: Joel Embiid to BKN

Pelicans def. Kings *Pelicans scored 194 lol
TRADE: Harrison Barnes to NO

Celtics def. Pacers *Pacers went 0-2 in trade games all year… poor bastards
TRADE: Victor Oladipo to BOS

T-WOLVES DEF WARRIORS *GANG, GANG, GANG
TRADE: Kevin Durant to MIN

Bucks def. Hawks
TRADE: John Collins to MIL

Nuggets def. Jazz
TRADE: Joe Ingles to DEN

There ya have it! The last round of trade games… so we’re on to the playoffs. I’ll list the playoff teams, their starting 5’s and the matchups… The T-Wolves and injuries screwed everything up.

West
(1) Golden State-Steph, Klay (injured for 1-2 weeks-replaced by Jamal Murray), Rudy Gay (injured for season-replaced by Andre Iguodala), Draymond, Boogie
VS (8) Portland- Lillard, McCollum, Buddy Hield, Kristaps (injured for 1-2 weeks-replaced by Derrick Favors), Enes Kanter

(4) LA Lakers- Kemba, D-Wade, LeBron, Jordan Bell, Tyson Chandler
VS (5) Oklahoma City- Dennis Schroder, Gordon Hayward, Paul George, Markieff Morris, Thomas Bryant

(3) Denver- Isaiah Thomas, Gary Harris (inured day-to-day, replaced by Malik Beasley), Will Barton, Paul Millsap, Nikola Jokic
(6) LA Clippers- Pat Beverley, Lou Williams, Danilo Gallinari, K-Love, Montrezl Harrel

(2) Houston- De’Aaron Fox, Harden, Eric Gordon, LaMarcus Aldridge, Clint Capela
(7) New Orleans- Elfrid Payton, Jrue Holiday, Harrison Barnes, Julius Randle, AD

East
(1) Boston- Kyrie, Victor Oladipo, Marcus Smart, Marcus Morris Sr., Al Horford (injured rest of season, Replaced by Aron Baynes)
(8) Detroit- Tomas Satoransky, Devin Booker (injured-day-to-day, replaced by Luke Kennard), Glenn Robinson III, Blake Griffin, Serge Ibaka

(4) Toronto- Kyle Lowry, Demar DeRozan, Kawhi, Pascal Siakam, Andre Drummond
(5) Milwaukee- CP3, Luka Doncic, Giannis, John Collins, Willie Cauley-Stein

(3) Philadelphia- Russ, Ben Simmons (injured-4-6 weeks- replaced by JJ Redick), Jayson Tatum, Tobias Harris, Ed Davis
(6) Indianapolis- Darren Collison, Jaylen Brown, Bojan Bogdanovic, Thad Young, Myles Turner

(2) Washington- John Wall, Zach LaVine, Trevor Ariza, Bobby Portis, Jusuf Nurkic
(7) Brooklyn- Mike Conley, D’Lo Russell, Jimmy Butler, Marvin Bagley III, Joel Embiid

So Golden State took a big hit, Minnesota cucked us out of 3 of the top 20 players in the playoffs, Brooklyn and Portland are some scary low seeds and Bucks-Raptors is a sexy first round matchup.

The plan for the playoffs is keep the trade season alive, so I think each round you win you can take a player… and we’ll get to two super teams. Also, I’ll only have one post left so cherish this shit.

Bracket listed below.

The movie that no one will remember in 20 years: Solo: A Star Wars Story

Dwyer’s Awards

Best scene:
Han & Lando’s sabacc card games (first and second)

Worst scene:
Lady Proxima’s dungeon scene

Best main character:
Tobias Beckett

Worst major character:
L3-37

Best minor character:
Rio Durant

Worst minor character:
Drawd Munbrin (lame Imperial recruiter that gave Han his last name)

Worst quote:
“How would that work?” Qi-ra to L3-37
“It works.”- L3-37 talking about having sex with Lando…

Best quote:
“I heard a story about you, I was wondering if it was true.” -Han to Lando
“Everything you’ve heard about me is true.” – Lando

Most gifable moment:
When the droids start to riot on Kessel (I can’t find a video of it).

FINAL GRADE: C-

Ace’s Awards

Best scene:
Han & Lando’s sabacc card game (first one)

Worst scene:
Introduction to L3 when she’s screaming at the droids fighting in the octagon

Best major character:
Tobias Beckett

Worst major character:
L3

Best minor character:
Luleo Primoc

Worst minor character:
Drawd Munbrin

Worst quote:
“Look away, I can’t perform when you look at me.” -L3-37

Best quote:
“Happen to notice that freighter down there? You know what’s on it? About 30 hired guns. All I gotta do is give ’em the signal and you’re surrounded. *ship flies away*” -Han to Enfys Nest

Most gifable moment:
I can’t find it anywhere, but it’s when this oven looking droid is banging its door against a panel all pissed off like.

FINAL GRADE: C

The best film of the prequels: Revenge of the Sith.

Dwyer’s Awards

Best scene:
Obi-Wan & Anakin’s argument on the Mustafar platform

Worst scene:
Anakin & Padme gushing over each other on their apartment balcony.

Best Main Character:
Obi-Wan Kenobi

Worst Main Character:
Padme Amidala

Best Minor Character:
Sen. Bail Organa

Worst Minor Character
Commander Cody

Best Quote:
“You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.” Obi-Wan to a dying Anakin

Worst Quote:
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” Darth Vader

Most gif-able moment:

FINAL GRADE: B+

Ace’s Awards

Best Scene:
Mace Windu’s death

Worst Scene:
Anakin & Padme making out in public.

Best Main Character:
Obi-Wan Kenobi

Worst Main Character:
Padme Amidala

Best Minor Character:
Boga

Worst Minor Character(s):
Agen Kolar & Saesee Tiin

• 

Best Quote:
“You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.” Obi Wan to Anakin

Worst Quote:
*Grievous’ coughs.

Most gif-able Moment:

FINAL GRADE: A-

Directed by Todd Phillips (yeah the guy who directed the Hangover)
Release Date: October 4th, 2019
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Zazie Beets, Frances Conroy, Robert De Niro, Brett Cullen

SPOILERS AHEAD

Ok, I don’t even know where to start so here’s my best shot at explaining Joker.

That’s how my head feels after watching Joker, but in a good way. But also a bad way. Holy shit this movie.

Before I try and break down its positives and negatives, to the mom who brought your three kids to see Joker last night… what the hell is wrong with you? And also, this chick was laughing at the most inappropriate times in the movie. She should be catapulted to the top of the FBI’s most wanted list.

Ok, let’s do our best:

Positives

• Full blown-depression throughout this movie. Whether you liked it or not, the movie hit what it was trying do right on the psychologically damaged head. There was not one time where I laughed, and I think if you laughed at anything after 20 minutes into the film you might be psychotic. Even the part where Arthur kills the big guy in his apartment, and the little person can’t reach the lock on the door to get out. That wasn’t a spot you’re supposed to laugh at. In another setting, yeah that might be funny, but not in that spot in this movie. The movie did an incredible job making me depressed.
• Piggybacking off of the first point, the tone is sadistically beautiful. Dark lighting, evil sounding background music and awkward moments stacked on awkward moments. I mean, the first scene of the movie, when he is putting his makeup and shedding a tear while forcing a smile, was a moment where I went “oh shit, this really is gunna be a twisted nightmare-ish movie.” And then when he is doing his stand up routine and the audience’s silent, cringe reaction is deafening.
• Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin goddamnned Phoenix. JOAQUIN PHOENIX. His laugh, his facial expressions, his soft toned voice, his movement, all those dance moves… it’s all so perfect. His performance is right up there with Ledger. Which is saying something.
• It’s a mind f***. If you try to analyze what’s going on and take a deep dive into the mind of Arthur Fleck, you will be sucked into a criminally sad state of mind. There were many moments that were “oh my god” moments, but when the movie turned on a dime, for me, was when we find out his relationship with Sophie was in his head. Bone chilling. Mind paralysis.
• Seeing Fleck progressively move towards his breaking point is sooooo nuts. I could lay out a timeline of all the moments that influenced Fleck’s breaking point and all of them combine to work sooooo well together towards the demise of Fleck and the creation of Joker. The kids beat down of Fleck, him getting ridiculed over his laugh on the bus by that mom, Fleck getting fired and Fleck getting bullied on the train. AND THEN, the dark crimes add up: the bus murder, suffocating his mother (after finding the adoption twist), killing that fat dude, and then…
• The finale. The Murray Franklin show. Oh my god. The story comes full circle. He wanted Franklin to be a dad to him. He found out Franklin brought him on to laugh at him. It’s the final, twisted, sensational straw. Joker shoots Robert f****ng DeNiro in the face on live television and sends Gotham into anarchy. Good lord.
• Speaking of coming full circle, how about the first scene of the movie is Fleck forcing a smile by pulling his lips up and one of the last scenes is painting his own blood on his face to create a smile. Full circle.
• Fleck’s scenes with the social workers is strong too. When he calls out the first social worker that she never listens to him, it kinda says something about how mental health can be dealt with. I can’t go any further into it because I’ve never dealt with serious depression but it makes a powerful statement.
• LAST POINT: when he tells the social worker she wouldn’t get the joke… I got chills from that. That was full-blown Joker-getting a laugh out of Bruce Wayne becoming an orphan… like he was….

Negatives

• On one hand, all the sick, twisted psychological warfare is great and exactly what the movie intended… but on a personal level it was soooo much to handle I almost felt sick after it lol. So it’s kind’ve a pro/con that it was sooo dark. Driving home last night, I couldn’t stop thinking about how twisted and uncomfortable I felt. I need to watch some cupcake Marvel movies.
• I’m stealing this from Zach Dwyer, but I wish we would’ve avoided the Wayne’s murders at the end. The movie could’ve just insinuated their deaths and I would have been fine with it. It took some of the sick feeling I had for most of the movie away. It would’ve been awesome to cut from the Murray show to the riot shots and didn’t need the Wayne deaths… for the billionth time.
• Was there a small feeling of an awkward flow in the movie? It feels, like, maybe… but my head is so screwed up at the end of this review that I don’t even know! Did anybody else feel the flow was just a tad off…

Overall Grade: A

Amazingly disturbing. I loved it. I’m gunna throw some Power Rangers on to combat what I just saw.

The romantic Star Wars film: Attack of the Clones. Strap in as we break down some of the most awkward material we’ll see in Star Wars.

Dwyer’s Awards

Best scene:
Mace Windu showing up to the Geonosis Arena and saying “this party’s over.”

Worst scene:
Padme and Anakin’s fireplace scene.

Best Main character:
Obi-Wan Kenobi

Worst Main Character:
Anakin Skywalker

Best Minor Character:
Dexster Jettster

Worst Minor Character:
San Hill (banking clan loser)

Best quote:
“Truly wonderful-the mind of a child.”- Yoda

Worst quote:
“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and gets everywhere.” -Anakin Skywalker

Most Gif-able moment:

FINAL GRADE: D

Ace’s Awards

Best scene:
Geonosis Arena Battle

Worst scene:
Padme and Anakin’s fireside scene.

Best main character:
Yoda

Worst main character:
Padme Amidala

Best minor character: Dexter Jettster

Worst minor character:
San Hill

Best quote:
“You want to buy some death sticks?”
“You don’t want to sell me death sticks.”
“I don’t want to sell you death sticks.”
“You want to go home and rethink your life.”
“I want to go home and rethink my life.”
Death sticks dealer and Obi-Wan

Worst quote:
Pretty much the entire fireplace scene but “it wouldn’t have to be that way. We could keep it a secret.”-Anakin to Padme

Most gif-able moment:

via GIPHY

FINAL GRADE: D+

**SPOILERS FOR EL CAMINO**

LET’S REVIEW THIS MOVIE, BITCH!

I loved Breaking Bad, so obviously I was stoked to watch El Camino. Breaking Bad was probably the quickest I’ve ever binged a show. It took me probably 2-3 weeks to get through the show laying on my cardboard slab of a bed in my dorm at UW-Whitewater (shoutout UWW).

El Camino follows the events of Breaking Bad and we figure out what happens to poor ole Jesse Pinkman. So let’s review this, BITCH!

Positives

• Intensity & suspense. Multiple scenes in the flick where I could feel my body tense up. For instance, the burial scene. When Jesse grabs the gun from the car and contemplates shooting chubby Todd… that is intense. And I knew he wasn’t going to kill him but it was such a captivating scene! The tension kept me hooked throughout the two hours.
• Piggybacking off of point 1, the silence in the movie adds a boat load of suspense to the flick. There are a ton of times when the movie is dead silent and I’m captivated and engulfed in the silence just thinking of the intensity. If you rewatch the movie, pay attention to the silences. They’re deafening.
• Aaron Paul. Oh man he is so damn good. Remember when Jesse was a goofy, idiotic kid way back in the first couple of seasons of Breaking Bad? Yeah, not so much anymore. You can feel how destroyed Jesse has been from being in captivity and losing so many people. Well done, Mr. Paul.
• I love the plot of the movie. The movie does a good job mixing the flashbacks with the current events happening. Specifically, I loved the flashback with chubby Todd. Todd is nuts, Jesse is being tortured and I felt that. The two’s journey to bury a body makes ya feel so damn bad for Jesse. He is slugging through this crippling depression and unfathomable situation to keep his loved ones alive.
• Speaking of chubby Todd, what a psychopath lol. I love it.
• And speaking of flashbacks, I popped at the Walter White cameo. Seeing Walter and Jesse together again was wonderful.
• The parallels between the opening scene and the closing scene was a nice touch. It starts with Jesse freaking out driving the El Camino and it concludes with Jesse at peace (or at peace as much as that guy could be) driving a shitty car into a new life. Nice.

• 

• 

Negatives

• The wild west shootout scene made me chortle when it should have been more suspense. I’m surprised that guy didn’t say “this money ain’t enough for the two of us.” Goofy.
• It felt like the movie was longer than it needed to be.
• Not so much a shot at the movie but there were a lot of easter eggs and moments that I didn’t catch because it’s been so long since I watched Breaking Bad. Again, that’s on me not the movie.

Overall Grade: B+

I really enjoyed El Camino. It felt like a lengthier episode of Breaking Bad. It was emotional, suspenseful and attention-grabbing. I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as some I’m seeing on Twitter ranting and raving about how it’s 10/10. But I liked it!