We’ve got Rise of Skywalker coming out in December so fellow Star Wars rube Zach Dwyer and myself are beginning our Star Wars Rewatch podcast series. Every Monday, we’ll release a new podcast starting with today’s Star WarsEpisode I: The Phantom Menace.
Hope you enjoy, tell your parents, siblings, kids and pets about us. Below the link is a guide to help those that have no clue what us idiots are talking about.
Top left: Ben Quadinaros. Top right: Gasgano. Below Gasgano: Dud Bolt. Below Bolt: Ratts Tyerell. Bottom left: Clegg Holdfast. Bottom right: Mawhonic
Dwyer’s Awards
Best scene: Obi Wan, Qui-Gon battles Darth Maul
Worst scene: C-Span’s coverage of the senate hearing (Amidala calling for a vote of no confidence)
Best Main character: Qui-Gon Jinn
Beautiful crook
Worst Main Character: Jar Jar Binks
Best Minor Character: W. Wald
Greedo’s bastard child (not canon)
Worst Minor Character: Ben Quadinaros
Best quote: “Is that legal?” -Vice Roy Gunray “I will make it legal.” -Darth Sidious
Worst quote: “NOW THIS IS PODRACING” -Anakin Skywalker
Most Gif-able moment:
She did this to a 10 year old boy!
FINAL GRADE: C-
Ace’s Awards
Best scene: Boonta Eve Podrace
Worst scene: C-Span’s coverage of Amidala calling for a vote of no confidence
Best main character: Senator/Chancellor Palpatine
Worst main character: Jar Jar
Best minor character:
Worst minor character: Ben Quadinaros
Best quote: “You were right about one thing, master. The negotiations were short,”-Obi Wan.
Worst quote: “Are you an angel?” OR “I’m a person and my name is ANAKIN.” -Both Anakin Skywalker
First, let’s start by hashtag saving Buddy Hield. Hield is in the race for Most Improved Player of The Year and he has been on the trashy Kings wayyyy too long. So similar to DeAndre Jordan (who went to the Spurs) and Mike Conley (who went to the Bulls and then got traded to the Nets) we’re going to have a random lottery for Buddy….
And the winner is…
This is big for the Blazers! They are on the outside of the playoffs looking in right now. They still have Lillard and McCollum and now Buddy Hield! That is a fun fricken 2K team that I want in the playoffs.
Portland isn’t done yet either… here are the Trade Games this week:
Trail Blazers-165 (31-32) Hornets-111 (29-34)
Holy hell… Portland is a blast to play with now. McCollum is healthy, Lillard is a freak and now Buddy Hield is tossing up bombs. Ooohhhhh doggie! I fell in love with this team all over again. Jake Layman even had 27!! Go Blazers. I’m going all in on 3P shooting for the Blazers.
TRADE: Nicolas Batum to POR for Evan Turner (Batum was higher rated with better #’s) POR STARTING 5: Dame, CJ, Buddy, Derrick Favors, Enes Kanter CHA STARTING 5: Kemba, Malik Monk, Miles Bridges, Kidd-Gilchrist, Cody Zeller
Rockets-113 (37-26) Celtics-83 (40-24)
I didn’t have a preference to this game really so I simmed it. Boston is still the #2 seed in the East but they don’t have Tatum they don’t have Hayward and now they lost De’Aaron Fox who they just picked up last week. Rockets get a point guard to finally replace CP3 from when he left, too! I’m pretty sure Chris f*****g Chiozza was still their starting PG.
TRADE: De’Aaron Fox to HOU for Tyrone Wallace (ouch) HOU STARTING 5: Fox, Harden, Eric Gordon, Kenneth Faried, Clint Capela (Most Improved Player of the Year Candidate) BOS STARTING 5: Kyrie (MVP Candidate), Jaylen Brown, Marcus Smart, Marcus Morris, Al Horford
Hawks-108 (31-33) Bulls-82 (23-41)
Idk how but the Hawks are undefeated in Trade Games. They’re starting 5 isn’t terrible actually and now they get Otto Porter… again not terrible!
TRADE: Otto Porter to ATL for Deandre Bembry ATL STARTING 5: Trae Young, Kent Bazemore, Josh Richardson, Aaron Gordon, John Collins CHI STARTING 5: Shabazz Napier, Zach Lavine, Denzel Valentine, Lauri Markkanen, Wendell Carter Jr.
Magic-90 (32-33) Cavaliers-100 (30-34)
The Magic had such promise at one point. Dennis Smith Jr., Terrence Ross, DeRozan, Aaron Gordon, Vucevic. Now… oofda.
TRADE: Dennis Smith Jr. to CLE for Jaylen Adams ORL STARTING 5: DJ Augustin, Evan Fournier, Jonathan Isaac, Omari Spellman, Vucevic CLE STARTING 5: Smith Jr., JR Smith, Cedi Osman, K-Love, Tristan Thompson
Raptors-105 (39-25) Pistons-86 (34-28)
The rich keep getting richer. Toronto had an incredible February picking up DeRozan and Lowry and now they’re going to add a great defensive center in Andre Drummond to come off the bench. On the other side, Detroit is the 7 seed in the East and they are without a doubt the worst playoff team in the East. I’m hoping to get them another piece to make it a bit more interesting. Their next best player after Blake Griffin is Zaza Pachulia now… lol. And the 9 seed Orlando Magic suck so we’re kinda stuck with one below average team right now.
TRADE: Andre Drummond to TOR for Serge Ibaka TOR STARTING 5: Lowry, DeRozan, Kawhi, Siakam, Gasol/Drummond (DK who starts yet) DET STARTING 5: Tomas Satoransky, Luke Kennard (Wayne Ellington out for season), Glenn Robinson III, Blake, Ibaka
Wolves-110 (31-32) Wizards-87 (38-25)
THE CUCKING IS OVER! THE CUCKING IS OVER! THE CUCKING IS OVER!!!! I told ya I had some big plans for the Wolves! KAT dropped a season-high 37 points babayyyy! Bradley Beal to Minnesota, one game out of a playoff spot… LET’S GO!
TRADE: Bradley Beal to MIN for Jaryd Bayless MIN STARTING 5: Jeff Teague, Beal, Brandon Ingram, Dario Saric, KAT WAS STARTING 5: Wall, Reggie Jackson, Trevor Ariza, Jabari Parker, Steven Adams
Here are the standings with approx. 20 games left:
Directed by Joe & Anthony Russo Release Date: April 27th, 2018 Starring: Josh Brolin, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo,Chris Pratt, Zoe Seldana, Tom Holland, Benedict Cumberbatch, Bradley Cooper, Elizabeth Olson, Paul Bettany Box office worldwide: $2,048,359,754
Well. We have reached the coup de grace of the MCU. When Thanos first appeared in the MCU it was way back in the post credit scene of The Avengers in 2012. That was crazy in its own right and then we had to wait 6 longgggg years to see him again. We thought maybe Thanos appears as the villain in the 2nd Avengers movie (turned out to be Age of Ultron), so the wait was grueling and longggggg.
But we finally got to Infinity War in 2018 and the wait was worth it and then some. I probably watched the Infinity War trailers over 100 times prior to watching Infinity War in theaters for the first time. It was probably unhealthy how amped I was the night before and the day of my first viewing. I mean, I got dumped, like, three weeks earlier so give me a break! I needed the ultimate, sexually-stimulating, nerdy-freak out comic book movie turned movie and I got it with IW.
This review is pretty much going to be me gushing over the movie to the point where you’re gonna get the feeling when you see a couple awkwardly making out in your high school hallway.
So let’s do this!
Positives
Simple can be better. IW’s simple story of the audience following Thanos collecting the Infinity Stones, wrecking everything in his path and willing to sacrifice everything is a perfect story. It’s magnificent yet so simple. Thanos is the main character and you know what that guy does? Kicks everyone’s ass for 2.5 hours and it’s wonderful to see Thanos roll through the universe. The pacing of it is impeccable too. There is never downtime and it is just one long action packed roller coaster but at the same time it doesn’t feel like it’s too much. “Perfectly balanced as all things should be.”
Thanos is the best villain in the MCU. He’s better than Loki. He’s better than Kilmonger. From the word go, the mood around Thanos feels vastly different from anyone we’ve seen in the MCU. The first scene we get with him… he beats the shit out of the Hulk and kills the best villain (Loki) prior to his arrival. That’s an amazing entrance that screams “I’m the baddest MoFo around.” His intentions aren’t just pure evil either… his methods are but in his mind he thinks he is doing the universe a favor. It’s incredible because you’re 100% hooked on this messed up conquest. Also, Josh Brolin as Thanos… scintillating. Obviously Thanos is CGI, but they get all the facial expressions and emotions from Brolin and he knocks it out of the park. He pretty much went 4-4 with four grand slams. The CGI is outstanding, too.
Man does it have its fair share of emotional moments. Maybe not as many as Endgame but still emotional. It starts with Loki and Heimdall dying. It’s extra emotional and scarring watching Loki die:
God that is brutal!!!
And then there’s Gamora dying. I shed a few tears over her death. Then it’s got Thor coping with all his losses, it’s got Tony Stark and Pepper Potts announcing a marriage, Scarlet Witch having to kill Vision and then…
This is a top cinematic moment of all time. I had an inkling the snap would happen and we’d lose everyone, but I still wasn’t prepared. Imagine if you had no clue about the comics and all of a sudden all the good guys lose!? I can’t imagine how blown away they must’ve been! I was shook to my core. When you see Bucky… Sam Wilson… T’Challa… Wanda… Star Lord… Drax… Mantis… Dr. Strange and then…. Peter Parker all dust away, it is surreal. Peter’s desperation to stay alive was heartbreaking. Oh my god but it was so well done. Excuse me while I go watch IW for the millionth time.
IW gives me the biggest, nerdiest geek out I’ve ever had watching a movie or TV show. When Thor crafts Stormbreaker. And then beams to Earth to the sound of the Avengers theme song and then, of course, yells “BRING ME THANOS” and absolutely destroys Thanos’ army. I joyously spazzed the hell out. In Endgame, when all the portals open up that was incredible too but I was crying my eyes out I was so overwhelmed (lol). When Thor arrives on Earth it was straight freakout pandemonium and I still get epic goosebumps watching this back. Ya know what, here ya go.
PLUS, all my other freak out moments: Thanos VS Hulk, Captain America’s arrival at the train station, and pretty much all of the fight scenes! The battle in New York (Iron Man, Spidey, Dr. Strange & Wong VS Ebony Maw and Cull Obsidian), Proxima Midnight and Corvus Glave’s assault on Vision and Scarlet Witch, the Guardians fighting Iron Man, Spidey & Strange, the Avengers/Guardians fighting Thanos on Titan and Thanos’ army attacking Wakanda. It’s all amazing.
Just to emphasize, the battle on Titan between Iron Man, Spidey, Strange, Star Lord, Drax, Nebula, Mantis and Thanos is out of this world. Thanos throws a FRICKEN MOON AT IRON MAN.
It’s a funny movie, too. Tony Stark and Stephen Strange… incredible. Exactly what I wanted from two arrogant a-holes! Thor and the Guardians (Star Lord specifically) f’ing hilarious! Peter Parker telling Dr. Strange “oh we’re using our made up names… I’m Spider-Man,” is wonderful. Iron Man calling Ebony Maw Squidward. LMAO. Drax saying “Why is Gamora?” All wonderful stuff. And the funniest lines in the movie:
The “sacrifice” theme is played out perfectly. Who’s the guy that sacrifices everything? Thanos. Who wins? Thanos. Who didn’t sacrifice Vision, who didn’t sacrifice the Time Stone, and who didn’t sacrifice their sister to preserve the Mind Stone? The Avengers. Who lost? The Avengers. Just really, really good storytelling.
There’s so much more that I could ramble on about. Plenty of great character development from damn near everyone, but I’ll end it with other “nerd out” moments: Groot creating the handle for Stormbreaker, Stormbreaker itself, Thor planting Stormbreaker into Thanos’ chest, the Children of Thanos, RED SKULL HOLY SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT RED SKULL, Peter Dinklage as Eitri is wonderful. It’s amazing.
Negatives
I have one negative: Captain America’s weapon-things. Compared to the original red, white and blue shield… they suck.
Overall Grade: A++
My first A++ because it is my favorite movie of all time. It is a perfect balance of action, comedy, drama, storytelling and overall badassery. I love, love, love. Love this fricken movie. It’s gonna take something magical to overthrow Infinity War.
This edition of NBA 2K’s “Play to Trade” Season is a little different. We’re going to combine both February trade days into one article because there aren’t many games and I wanted this complete by the start of the NBA regular season. The first day had 2 trade games and the 2nd is the All-Star game and I’m doing something drastic for that! Stay tuned.
First off, let’s recap February’s first trade day (February 3rd). Here are some overall storylines headed into the day:
Phoenix is… not good. They have Lowry, Ayton, Booker, and they lost 7 in a row towards the end of January and find themselves as the 8 seed in the West. Behind….
THE MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES!! Wolves winners of 8 of their last 10 and Brandon Ingram, of all players, has lit a spark under the Wolves! You’re welcome, Tom!
Gordon Heyward got traded to the Heat… and was injured in their first game. Donovan Mitchell was traded to the Heat earlier… and got injured in his first game. Ouch.
Brooklyn Nets are kind of sexy with J-Butts, D’Lo, Mike Conley, Jarrett Allen and Marvin Bagley
Here are the first day of Trade results:
OKC: 99 (26-26) BOS: 115 (34-19)
I told ya, OKC. You were dead men walking after losing to New York on the last trade Sunday. The very first trade day the Thunder traded for De’Aaron Fox and had him with Russ & Paul George. Two are gone now. George remains.
TRADE: De’Aaron Fox to BOS for Brad Wanamaker
OKC STARTING 5: Dennis Schroder, Andre Roberson, Paul George, Jerami Grant, Nerlens Noel BOS STARTING 5: Kyrie, Fox, Marcus Smart, Marcus Morris, Al Horford
LAC: 116 (24-30) TOR: 121 (29-25)
I flipped back and forth on who I wanted to win here. Clipps could’ve won and take Marc Gasol to go with DeRozan and leave Toronto with a solid lineup still OR have Toronto win and elevate the Raptors to “Dayummm they’re pretty fricken good” status and trade for DeRozan. Well, as you can see Toronto won and dayummmmmmm they are pretty fricken good now. Welcome back, Demar!
TRADE: Demar DeRozan to TOR for Jodie Meeks
LAC STARTING 5: Pat Beverley, Lou Williams, Danilo Gallinari, Luc Mbah a Moute (in for injured Jamychal Green), Montrezl Harrell TOR STARTING 5: Fred Vanvleet, DeRozan, Kawhi, Pascal Siakam, Marc Gasol
Ok so that was the first Trade Day this edition. We’ve got a special one coming up to close February out. Here are a few league notes since the above trades:
Raptors won 6 in a row with DeRozan
Thunder have won 4 in a row… sons a bithches
Warriors lost 2 in a row
Since the All-Star game falls on the 2nd Trade day of February, we’re switching things up… it’s Team LeBron VS Team Giannis and I’m momentarily removing all untouchable tags. That means you can trade for any all-star. Here’s how it’s gonna work: the player with the most points on Team Giannis can trade for the player with the least amount of points on Team LeBron. So if Giannis has the most points, and LeBron has the least amount of points on his team then the Bucks could trade for LeBron (sploosh). And then vice versa with the highest scorer on Team LeBron and the lowest scorer on Team Giannis. Does that make sense!? I sure hope so, cuz I’m excited for this one!
Here are the teams: Team LeBron: Russell Westbrook (PHI), Damian Lillard (POR), Kawhi Leonard (TOR), LeBron James (LAL), Nikola Jokic (DEN), Anthony Davis (NO), DeMar Derozan (TOR), Ben Simmons (PHI), Demarcus Cousins (GSW), Kevin Love (CLE), Marc Gasol (TOR), Chris Paul (DAL)
Team Giannis: Kyrie Irving (BOS), James Harden (HOU), Paul George (OKC), Giannis Antetokounmpo (MIL), Joel Embiid (PHI), Kevin Durant (GSW), Kart-Anthony Towns (MIN) Blake Griffin (DET), Kemba Walker (CHA), John Wall (WAS), Nikola Vucevic (ORL), Kyle Lowry (PHO)
So Toronto and Philly have the most entries (3). TOR has a solid chance with Kawhi starting and DeRozan off the bench. Philly has Russ & Embiid starting to have a pretty good chance as well. Two Warriors are in play with KD and Boogie. Luckily for us, they’re coming off the bench and probably don’t have a great chance to get enough playing time to be the highest scorer.. but who knows. And then ya have Giannis, LeBron, Kyrie, Harden and George all starting as their lone reps for their team.
Sooooo let’s do this!!! I’m even playing a full 12 minutes to have some SERIOUS points.
HERE ARE THE RESULTS:
Team Giannis
Giannis & Milwaukee-26
Harden & Houston-21
KD & GSW-16
Kyrie & Boston-15, Embiid & PHI-15
KAT & Minnesota-11
George & OKC-6, Griffin & DET-6, Wall & WAS-6
Kemba & CHA-3
Vucevic & Orlando-2
Lowry & Phoenix-0
Team LeBron
Kawhi & Toronto-24
LeBron & LA-21
Lillard & Portland-17
Jokic & Denver-13
AD & Nola-12
K-Love & Cleveland-8
Russ & PHI-7
DeRozan & Toronto-6
Boogie & GSW-6
Simmons & Phi-2
Gasol&TOR, CP3&DAL-0
Kawhi drilled a 3 with a minute to go to surpass LeBron and win the Team LeBron race. So that means Kawhi and Toronto will trade for Kyle Lowry from Phoenix! Lowry didn’t score (0-4) and Lowry returns home to Toronto. So now Toronto traded for DeRozan and now Lowry in Febuary alone!
On the other side, Giannis held off a late surge from Harden to take the scoring title. There were two players on Team LeBron that finished with 0PTS. Marc Gasol of Toronto and CP3 of Dallas. I flipped a coin for who Milwaukee would trade for and CP3 was selected. Milwaukee already swiped Doncic from Dallas and now they just took CP3 who has been traded from HOU to LAC to DAL and now to MIL. Gasol stays on Toronto so the Raptors starting 5 is Lowry, DeRozan, Kawhi, Siakam, Gasol… whoa.
For Phoenix, it’s not the end of the world. They traded for Tony Parker earlier in the season and pick up Jeremy Lin in exchange for Lowry.
Milwaukee has decisions to make. They have Bledsoe (avg 20PPG), CP3, Doncic, Brogdon, Giannis, Middleton, Mirotic. A lot of different pieces 1-4.
We’ve only got about a month and a half left in the regular season so here are the standings and the starting 5’s:
West
Golden State (45-12)-Curry, Klay, KD, Kuzma, Boogie
Denver (34-23)-IT, Gary Harris, Will Barton, Jokic
Houston (34-23)-TJ McConnel, Harden, Eric Gordon, Kenneth Faried, Clint Capela
New Orleans (32-27)- Jeremy Lamb, Jrue Holiday, Stanley Johnson, Julius Randle, AD
Oklahoma City (30-27)-Dennis Schroder, Andre Roberson, Paul George, Markieff Morris, Nerlens Noel
Directed by Ryan Coogler Release date: February 16hth, 2018 Starring: Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Dania Gurira, Letitia Wright, Winston Duke Box office worldwide: $1,346,913,161
Remember when Black Panther was released and people lost their shit over it? It was a social phenomenon for good reason. It gave us our first MAIN character who was black in the MCU. We had Rhodey, Heimdall, Nick Fury, Mordo, but we didn’t have a main black character. It may not be a big deal to some, but for black kids getting a chance to look up to a hero that looks like them, it’s a big deal I’d say!
I think it also lead to movies like Captain Marvel and eventually Shanghai and the Ten Rings. More and more diversity is good for the MCU and Marvel/Disney’s checkbooks.
That being said, as a movie overall I think it’s slightly overrated. I love Black Panther. It’s incredible but to say it’s as good as movies like Avengers: Endgame, Infinity War, GOTG or Thor: Ragnarok I think is a little exaggerated.
Now before I get jumped…
Positives
Again, the social influence is off the charts. Not only does it give us our first main black protagonist in the MCU, but it does a good job addressing some really shitty real world issues like race inequality and social disadvantages. Kilmonger was raised in poverty. T’Challa was raised as royalty. Kilmonger became a very bad dude. T’Challa is a king. AND both kid’s futures were shaped by their parents. Both T’Challa and Kilmonger’s lives run parallel together but in completely different situations. It’s almost like it’s tough to get out of poverty when you don’t have a solid foundation of wealth from your family… A hot topic today and Black Panther addressed it well.
Another message the movie approaches is issues inherited by younger generations. Boy does that sound familiar? My generation inherited my parents’ generation’s problems. My kid’s generation will inherit my generation’s problems. And the movie, basically, says “hey, we can still right the ship despite everything seeming to be cucked!” I’ve learned more from Marvel than I ever have in school!
ANOTHER message from the movie is just because you don’t agree on something doesn’t mean you have to be a dick and play on a completely different team. M’baku and the Jabari tribe separated from the rest of Wakanda because they didn’t agree with the technology. But, they still fight for Wakanda in the end because they need to do so to preserve Wakanda. I took this as a big F U to any extreme political parties. Instead of calling each other out, why not try to understand where the opposition is coming from? Looking at you lib cucks and redneck conservatives.
The overall story is incredible. T’Challa inheriting a country and his father’s mistakes and having to learn and right them. It’s very, very good stuff.
Kilmonger is one of the best villains in the MCU. He is a badass and even though his methods are whack, you kind’ve get where he’s coming from, right? He got cucked over when his father was killed by his uncle, and because of that, he lived in poverty while his cousin lived as royalty. He sees black people being surpressed all over the world and wants to change it. He’s a villain by circumstances more so than straight up being a bad dude. There’s a little sympathy there… until he starts killing everyone… but still a great villain! I mean GREAT villain. Probably only behind Thanos and Loki… pretty good company!
Other great characters: Shuri (T’Challa’s sister), Okoye (Dora Milaje leader), and Klau. Klau could have been used sooooo much more in the MCU because he is incredibly entertaining. Shuri is a smart ass teenager that makes me chuckle and Okoye is a warrior with good jokes. Love ‘em all!
How cool of a concept? An apparent third world country that is actually hiding all of its wealth and resources from the rest of the world and lives on highly advanced technology… I know the movie inherited the idea from the comics but that’s fricken cool!
We get some really great action scenes with the South Korean underground casino fight and the challenge fights are great. Especially Kilmonger VS T’Challa. That is INTENSE and POWERFUL.
Soundtrack is incredible. The mix between new age hip-hop and African tribal music is sooooooo cool.
It was awesome to see a new Earth-based culture shown in the MCU. It’s either been Americans, outer space-icans or wizards. We haven’t really gotten a different Earth culture and it was fun to see a fictional African culture come to life.
Black Panther’s suit with the redistribution of kinetic energy is sick.
Favorite quote is at the end when Kilmonger says ” Why, so you can lock me up? Nah. Just bury me in the ocean with my ancestors who jumped from ships, ’cause they knew death was better than bondage.” Damn… that’s strong.
Negatives
I really, really, REALLLYYYY wish they wouldn’t have killed Klau. I understand his death was to elevate Kilmonger’s status but Klau was so damn entertaining and we didn’t get enough of him. If Disney + wants to do a TV show about how Klau stole the vibranium I would not be mad.
Overall Grade: A-
It’s a phenomenal movie. It’s real world issues make it an elite film because I don’t think the movie has many flaws. I even searched “Black Panther negatives” and there weren’t any I agreed on. Only reason I can give it an A- instead of an A… I don’t really know. Maybe because it’s rooted in real issues it wasn’t as much of an escape as other MCU movies??? Idk, guys… it was awesome just go with that.
Last trade day, we saved Mike Conley from the perils of the Memphis Grizzlies. By random, he was traded to the Bulls, who immediately lost him to the Nets on that same Trade Sunday. This week, we’re saving that big guy who can’t hit a free throw to save his life.
Not him
Nope not this poor sap either
There we go!
The Knicks are 9-35 coming into this trade day (which I’m moving to MLK day since it’s a pretty important day in the NBA and cuz the schedule is JUICY), so we need to bounce Jordan to a competitive team. The Grizz can’t be in the randomization since they blow and the Bulls can’t either since they traded for Conley.
The winner is…
OK, now I know the Spurs seems fun, but the Spurs just finished an 8 game losing streak and have Aldridge… and that’s about it. They lost DeRozan a long time ago and even Rudy Gay… sooo have fun with Jordan and Aldridge I guess?
Here’s the previous Trade results from the first 3 months of the season!
Wut. The Knicks just lost their only guy with an 80 overall and lose to Paul George & De’Aaron Fox. What?! Damyean Dotson was the Knicks leading scorer! Ok, ok I’m not giving Fox to NY, since I declared NY dead and gave Jordan away. But I will do everything in my power to burn OKC down to the ground
Trade: The Thunder’s franchise to hell
Bulls: 83 (18-29) Cavaliers: 82 (18-30)
Trade: Jordan Clarkson to CHI for Antonio Blakeney CHI STARTING 5: Clarkson, Zach Lavine, Otto Porter, Lauri Markkanen, Wendell Carter Jr. CLE STARTING 5: Brandon Knight, JR Smith, Cedi Osman K-Love, Tristan Thompson
Mavericks: 110 (19-27) Bucks: 166 (26-20)
JACKPOT! BUCKS WIN, AND GET DONCIC. OHHH BABY! For some reason, Porzingis was a higher rating than Doncic to begin the season so he was the untouchable. Mavs had CP3, Porzingis, and Luka and SUCKED, so I dismembered the would-be dream team. And now, Milwaukee has a SICK lineup with Middleton leading the season in the 6th Man of the Year race. Also, Bledsoe has been one of the best point guards… I’M IN! NOTE: I played with the Bucks but didn’t actually put up 166. The stats and scores are adjusted to a regular 48 minute game… so they put up 166 and Giannis had 43 PTS, 14 REB, 12 AST, 3 STL, 5 BLK… holy shit!!!
TRADE: Luka Doncic to MIL for Tony Snell DAL STARTING 5: JJ Barea (CP3 injured), Tim Hardaway Jr., Snell, Kristaps, Salah Mejri… oof MIL STARTING 5: Bledsoe, Brogdon (RIP), Luka, Giannis, Brook Lopez
Pistons: 105 (23-23) Wizards: 147 (29-17)
Damn… a lot of points this week. Anyways, Detroit has been one of the quieter, but still decent, teams so far this season. Washington has been fun to play with on 2K and they just got better! Blake Griffin is the untouchable so he can’t be traded. So it’s down to Andre Drummond and Reggie Jackson. Drummond his a higher overall, but the Wizards have already traded for two centers and have Steven Adams starting. Jackson is putting up 22.3 PPG this season and WAS needs a backup PG… Jackson it is! Oh, Washington has also won 7 straight and are 2nd in the conference.
TRADE: Reggie Jackson to WAS for Tomas Satoransky DET: Satoransky, Luke “White privilege” Kennard, Glen Robinson III, Griffon, Drummond WAS: Wall, Beal, Trevor Ariza, Bobby Portis, Adams
Magic: 98 (26-21) Hawks: 101 (21-25)
Oddly enough, the Hawks are 3-0 on Trade days?? I mean, they’ve acquired Colin Sexton and Josh Richardson in the first two, so are they really winners? Meanwhile, the Magic have imploded. They had DeRozan, Dennis Smith Jr., Vucevic, Gordon and Terrence Ross at one point. They lost DeRozan and now lost Gordon.
TRADE: Aaron Gordon to ATL for Omari Spellman ORL STARTING 5: Smith Jr., Evan Fournier (Ross injured), Jonathan Isaac, Spellman, Vucevic ATL STARTING 5: Trae Young, Kent Bazemore, Richardson, Gordon, John Collins… not terrible?
Kings: 109 (10-37) Nets: 120 (25-23)
Ok, the Kings are the next team to be forced into giving up their untouchable Buddy Hield. Poor guy needs to be on a winning team!
TRADE: Marvin Bagley III to BKN for Jared Dudley SAC STARTING 5: Yogi Ferrell, Buddy Hield, Harrison Barnes, Nemanja Bjelica, Harry Giles (how good would this team be in college!?) BKN Starting 5: D-LO, J-Butts, Joe Harris, Bagley III, Jarrett Allen
Heat: 111 (19-26) Celtics: 101 (31-16)
Ouch. Celtics are still the #1 seed in the East but they already lost Jayson Tatum and now they just lost Gordon Hayward. They still have Kyrie who is 3rd in the league in scoring (28.9) but they’re in some trouble now.
TRADE: Gordon Hayward to MIA for Derrick Jones Jr. MIA STARTING 5: Goran Dragic, Dion Waiters, Hayward, James Johnson, Hassan Whiteside BOS STARTING 5: Kyrie, Jaylen Brown, Marcus Smart, Marcus Morris, Al Horford
Rockets: 111 (25-21) 76ers: 115 (29-19)
My goal with this game was to win with the Rockets and pick up Jayson Tatum to go alongside Russ and Harden. But I, apparently, am not very good at this game because I lost. Just like I lost with the Celtics… whoops. Philly is STACKED. They lost Jimmy Butler pretty early on, but since have picked up Tatum, Andrew Wiggins and now… Russell Westbrook Junior the Third.
TRADE: Russ Westrbook to PHI for TJ McConnell HOU STARTING 5: McConnell, Harden, Eric Gordon, Kenneth Faried, Clint Capela PHI STARTING 5: Ben Simmons, Russ, Tatum, Tobias Harris, Joel Embiid
Trail Blazers: 101 (23-25) Jazz: 79 (28-20)
There’s a big win for Ace! I thought about playing with Utah to pick up McCollum to the Jazz, but without Donovan Mitchell, they’re not that fun. So I played with the Blazers and slaughtered Utah with McCollum (29 PTS) instead.
TRADE: Derrick Favors to POR for Skal Labissiere POR STARTING 5: Lillard, McCollum, Jake Layman, Favors, Enes Kanter UTA STARTING 5: Ricky Rubio, Rodney McGruder, Jae Crowder (Joe Ingles INJ), Myers Leonard, Rudy Gobert
Warriors: 110 (40-7) Lakers: 98 (27-21)
God damnit. Another big L taken by me. I’m trying my hardest to dismember the Warriors superduperteam but I can’t do it captain. I JUST CAN’T DO IT! I put up 39 PTS, 12 REB, 2 AST, 3 STL, 3 BLK with LeBron and still blew it. We were tied with, like, a minute to go and they crushed me down the stretch. It’s the second time the Warriors have cucked me and thwarted an attempt to get KD to the fighting Lebrons. Whatever. GSW is good, sue me. That’s also 8 wins in a row for GSW.
TRADE: Javale McGee to GSW for Damian Jones GSW STARTING 5: Curry, Thompson, Durant, Kuzma, Cousins LAL STARTING 5: Lonzo Ball, D-Wade, LeBron, Jordan Bell, Tyson Chandler.
Happy NFL Sunday! To honor the first Sunday in the NFL I’ve decided to rank the top 10 sports theme songs.
That’s it. That’s my explanation of the list.
10. NBA on NBC
It isn’t too high on the list because it’s too old for me. I never watched NBA on NBC games, but it is catchy and it’s been re-purposed into a song and, I think, FOX’s college basketball theme.
9. NHL on NBC
Hockey is definitely #4 on my favorite sports listing, but its theme song is still pretty good.
8. SEC on CBS
If I was a frat boy in the south I’m sure this would be #1!
7. Olympics on NBC
This feels triumphant. You’re ready to put your country’s colors on and run through a brick wall. Plus, John Williams composed it!
6. Monday Night Football
I’m talking some classic, cheesy Hank Williams Jr.! Don’t give me Derulo and Florida Georgia Line. Just give me fighter pilots and big hits!
5. MLB on FOX
It’s very similar to Fox’s NFL theme but it’s got enough of a twist to get on the list. Speaking of FOX..
4. NFL on FOX
You’re sitting on your couch, hungover ready for (INSERT FAV NFL TEAM) to disappoint you and then the theme hits. And then Joe Buck chimes in. HEAVEN ON EARTH.
3. NFL Primetime/NFL Blitz on ESPN
You get up extra early Monday morning to catch the Blitz with Boomer and TJ. Watching highlights for an hour on Sportscenter. It’s a perfect nostalgia trip for me. Also, there were a couple different Primetime songs I could’ve picked but I went with this one to rep. all Primetime tunes.
2. NFL on NBC
Ohhhhhhh baby. When this song hits, and you’re favorite team is playing, YOU KNOW IT’S A BIG GAME AND SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Keep your Carrie Underwood, I’ll take this.
1 College Basketball on CBS
There is nothing like it. When it’s 11AM on a Thursday in mid March, you’re sitting on your couch, you took off work, and you’re ready to watch 4 days worth of March Madness. and then… DENENENE DEDEDE DENENENENEN DENENENENENE It’s an out of body experience.
Ok, back to business it’s time to hastag save Mike Conley. He was the untouchable for the Grizz to begin the year, but they are just the worst so I held a random drawing to see who gets to trade for Conley and the winner is….
The Bulls…. the 13-21 Chicago Bulls
Good for Big Cat.
Okurrrrrrrr (HAHA, LIKE CARDI B, GET IT ?) let’s jump into some notes during the 6th trade week (December 26-January 6th)
Some good news for the fast-fading Portland Blazers is they got CJ McCollum back from injury! The bad news? He bruised his left shoulder and is out for two more weeks. WHAT A CUCK.
Kyrie was named Eastern Conf. Player of the month for pretty much putting up a billion points while the Joker was named Western Conf. Player of the Month in December. That’s Nikola Jokic and not Joaquin Phoenix.
The Fighting LeBrons lost to the lowlife Knicks and are dropping fast.
The Wizards lost Jusuf Nurkic (after trading for him) and are falling even faster.
And here are the games from this week:
Nets: 115 Bulls: 97
Fun little expirament for Mike Conley and the Bulls! They got lucky enough in the randomizer, and cough him up two weeks later when he shoots 3-15 to J-Butts and D’Lo.
Trade: Mike Conley to BKN for Shabazz Napier
CHI STARTING 5: Kris Dunn, Zach LaVine, Otto Porter, Lauri Markkanen, Wendell Carter Jr.
BKN STARTING 5: Conley, D’Lo, J-Butts, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, Jarrett Allen
Magic:111 Clippers: 121
The Magic’s depth has been depleted by injury, but for Christ sake they still have DeRozan, Gordon and Vucevic!? How do you lose to Lou and the Clipps!? Their leading scorer was Ivica Zubac!! You deserve nothing, Orlando
Trade: DeMar DeRozan to LAC for Jerome Robinson?
ORL: STARTING 5: DJ Augustin, Evan Fournier (Terrence Ross-INJ), Jonathan Isaac, Aaron Gordon, Nikola Vucevic
LAC: Pat Beverley, DeRozan, Danilo Gallinari, JaMychal Green, Montrezl Harrell
Lakers: 94 T-Wolves: 98
Well, the good news… T-Wolves won! Bad news, this was where I was trying to snatch Kevin Durant to the Wolves. If the Lakers defeated the Warriors the last Trade Day, then KD would’ve been a Wolf…. BUTTTT ya get Brandon Ingram. That’s… fun…? Lakers have lost 3 in a row and are running out of bodies.
Trade: Brandon Ingram to MIN for Keita Bates-Diop
LAL STARTING 5: Lonzo Ball, Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, Jordan Bell, JaVale McGee…oof. They’ve lost Ingram, Kyle Lowry (PHX) and Kyle Kuzma (GSW) over the last three trade days.
MIN STARTING 5: Derrick Rose, Jeff Teague, Not Kevin Durant, Taj Gibson, KAT
Heat:105 Hawks:113
Trade: Josh Richardson to ATL for Justin Anderson
MIA STARTING 5: Goran Dragic, Dion Waiters (Donovan Mitchell is out for the year), Justise “Touched it last” Winslow, James Johnson, Hassan Whiteside
ATL: Trae Young, Kevin Huerter, Taurean Prince, John Collins, Alex Len
Wizards: 119 Thunder: 114
The Thunder had such promise… I gave them De’Aaron Fox alongside Russ & Playoff Paul and Steven Adams. And they’ve blown it. The Wizards, on the other hand, are a ton of fun to play with, but they lost Jusuf Nurkic after acquiring him from Portland. I decided between Fox and Adams for the trade, and ultimately decided Adams because Beal and Wall have the guard position pretty solidified. Didn’t trust Dwight Howard as a starting C.
WAS STARTING 5: Wall, Beal, Trevor Ariza, Bobby Portis, Steven Adams (Nurkic-INJ)
Pacers-115 Raptors-116
This was the first Trade Game for the Pacers (24-15). They’ve been one of the best teams in the East and they just got CUCKED. They were rolling, and Toronto swoops in and CUCKS ‘em. Tough decision for Toronto. They can pick from, Myles Turner, Domantas Sabonis and Bojan Bgodanovic. All 3 are similar overalls, putting up good #’s but none of them will start… so I went with Sabonis cuz he has the best numbers this year.
Trade: Domantas Sabonis to TOR for Chris Boucher
IND: Darren Collison, Oladipo, Bojan, Alize Johnson (Thad Young and TJ Leaf inj.) Turner
TOR: Fred VanVleet, Danny Green, Kawhi, Siakam, Marc Gasol
Hornets-108 Suns-166
Whoa. So when I play these games, the stats get adjusted to match that of a full 48 minute game, sooo after that was calculated I put up 43 pts in the 3rd and 72 points in the 4th. Lol what? Lowry had 37, Jaren Jackson had 33, Devin Booker had 30, DeAndre Ayton had 18 & 22. It was a good game and I’m in love with the Suns. Now that the Lakers have pooped the bed, I’m all in on Phx threatening the Warriors.
Trade: Tony Parker to PHX for De’Anthony Melton
CHA Starting 5: Kemba, Malik Monk, Nicolas Batum, Michael Kidd Gilchrist, Cody Zeller
PHX Starting 5: Kyle Lowry, Devin Booker, TJ Warren, Jaren Jackson Jr., Ayton (all over 80 overall)
Directed by Taika Waititi Release date: November 3rd, 2017 Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Tessa Thompson, Mark Ruffalo, Cate Blanchett, Jeff Goldblum Box office worldwide: $853,977,126
We have arrived at one of my favorite movies in the MCU: Thor: Ragnarok. A large reason why I fell in love with Ragnarok is because it was vastly different from the first two Thor films. The first two Thor’s are good, (even Dark World... I know, I know Marvel rube) but they never felt like a crazy, sci-fi flick like Thor comics. Ragnarok WAS that trippy, crazy adventure that felt like a true Thor adventure and it kicks ass.
FUN FACT FOR YA: Ragnarok was the first movie I saw alone in the theaters! It opened my eyes that I don’t need any sweaty sacks of life accompanying me to the movies. In fact, I found out I’d rather watch a movie solo, so keep your gross self away from me and let me enjoy art!
BRIGHT COLORS, HILARIOUS BITS, GREAT CHARACTERS AND ONE BIG NERD-INDUCED SPAZ ATTACK. LET’S REVIEW RAGNAROK
Maybe my favorite poster in the MCU
Positives
It was different than Thor and Thor: The Dark World, and that’s V-good. Director Taika Waititi told Chris Hemsworth he wanted to shed the stale feel of the Thor character and boy did they ever. Just about everything associated with Thor in the first couple movies was trashed. Mjolnir? Destroyed. His long, luscious locks? Cut. His eye? Stevie Wondered. Odin? Dead. Jane Foster? Dumb enough to dump Thor but smart enough for PHD’s. They restarted Thor and hit an absolute home run, but at the same time they progressed his character arc that we see come to fruition big time in Infinity War. It was a perfect play to kick start energy around Thor.
Big reason they hit that homer was Chris Hemsworth. For the first time, Thor was a better character than Loki. What if Iron Man was second to War Machine or Captain America wasn’t as popular as Falcon? They, and they’re movies, wouldn’t have been the phenomenons they are today. That was a problem with Thor. He was a good character, but Loki overshadowed him everytime. In Ragnarok, Thor is THEE stud and THEE main attraction, and Hemsworth knocks the comedy parts out of the park. I can’t say enough how flipping funny Hemsworth is here. It felt like handcuffs were taken off him and was handed the reigns of comedy.
There are a dozen scenes and jokes that I geek out on, and I don’t have the time to list them all. There are legitimately a dozen times where I LOL’d, as the kids say, but here are a few of my favorite jokes:
Thor VS Hulk in the Contest of Champions. What more can I say? The battle between those two is awesome. They both look awesome and we get some great moments like Thor saying “we know each other, he’s a friend from work,” and when he tries to relax Hulk with the “sun’s getting real low” method (a callback to Age of Ultron) and maybe the best:
The other fight scenes are incredible, too. Thor VS Surtur’s goon’s to the tune of Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song, and the final fight on the Rainbow Bridge to the tune of Immigrant Song is just so damn good. And when Thor connects to his true lightning power… I died and went to heaven.
The new characters rock. Jeff Goldblum as the Grandmaster, which is pretty much Jeff Goldblum playing Jeff Goldblum, is fantastic. He’s such a weirdo, and I’m here for it.
Valkyrie is a bad ass drunk. That’s just good entertainment.
And Korg. The funniest pile of rocks in the MCU.
Hela is a tank of a villain. All she is, is a mean, evil, tough son of a bitch, and that’s all she needed to be. We didn’t need a compelling villain. All we needed from her was a formidable opponent VS Thor and a connection to Odin’s conquering days.
Speaking of, we get a pretty heartfelt scene when Odin passes. It thrusts Thor into power and really hits home with Loki. Enhances both sons’ character arcs.
The post credit scene nearly killed me. Everything seems fine when Sanctuary II (Thanos’ warship) shows up and leads us right into Infinity War. SPLOOSH!!
Negatives
One of my positives was how Ragnarok wiped the slate clean. The one part of it I didn’t love was they way they killed The Warriors Three. They were pawns in making Hela look good when she murdered them within three seconds. I get why they chose to kill ‘em off so quickly, but I wish we saw more of them.
Overall Grade: A+
Hilarious fun. This movie is so rewatchable and a blast to watch every single time. That’s all that needs to be said.
Directed by Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck Release date: March 8th, 2019 Starring: Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Jude Law Box office worldwide: $1,128,274,794
First off, I’m not telling you that you should or should not like Brie Larson as Carol Danvers, but if you’re a big enough virgin to get a petition started to recast the role then you’re the dweebiest of dweebs. This is coming from someone who gets nervous before these movies come out! When, in your little pea-sized brain, did you think you could hop onto petition.org, and influence Marvel f*****g Studios enough to change their minds? Go sign a petition to stop a Walmart from moving to your town, ya puke.
The reason I bring this up is because there were actual asshats that tried to do this.
All I’m saying is that you’re a loser for signing/creating a petition about changing something that a lot of people put a lot of work into. And it’s something you have no chance of accomplishing. I have a better chance to be cast as Tony Stark than you do trying to influence Disney.
Even Mr. Rogers thinks you’re an ass
Ok, I’m done ranting. Let’s review Captain Marvel
Positives
Similar to Black Panther, it’s got a strong, real world, applicable message. All Skrulls are perceived as being bad guys, right? Well, holy shit what do you know, it turns out that not an entire race of beings are evil. There are some good Skrulls… there are some bad Skrulls. How about that!? And the Kree are supposed to be good guys, but it turns out some of them are bastards. Hmmmm where have I heard this before? Excellent message! Some people were saying Captain Marvel got too political, but I saw it more as a message towards humanity than any shot at politics… if that makes sense? Whatever, I loved the message.
It’s a different plot than what we’ve seen from Marvel Studios up to this point. We haven’t seen a mystery plot where we’re following the main character trying to piece together what happened to her in the past. I would argue that Captain Marvel is the first… mystery? I guess? And I like the change! Another reason I don’t agree with the “all Marvel movies are the same” argument.
Here’s my sports comparison: Brie Larson is Aaron Rodgers. I like Brie a lot as Carol Danvers. Is she as good as Aaron is on the football field? No, probably not, but she gets criticized under a microscope like A-Rodge. There was so much negativity towards Larson’s performance (just like one Mr. Rodgers) and how it was jUsT a wOMaN eMPoWeRmeNT movie (chicks deserve a chick star in a Marvel movie, you boners… Ok I lost the Rodgers comparison, hold on). There are rumors that her teammates don’t like working with her either (sound familiar?). I like Brie. It’s a superrrr tough and complex character to play, and she didn’t deliver a 10/10 performance, but she was good!
12-4, NFL MVP
When Captain Marvel finally turns into full-blown, unstoppable Captain Marvel, she. Kicks. Ass. And it’s awesome. Her crushing ships like they’re ants is jolly fun. Also, when Yon-Rogg (the unforgettable villain) tells Carol she has to beat him without her powers, and then she blasts the shit out of him… jolly, jolly fun!
I like Carol Danvers. I LOVE Talos and the Skrulls. They’re great characters to bring into the MCU with endless possibilities (and we’ve already seen it at the end of Spider-Man: Far From Home).
Speaking of characters I love, GIVE ME MORE GOOSE. Goose the cat, er, flurken was good entertainment!
Nick Fury and Carol Danvers’ interactions are fun! Those two’s banter felt real and natural.
The post credits scene… OOOOOWEEEE! So let’s set up the context: Captain Marvel was released a couple months before Avengers: Endgame. Everybody knew Cpt. Marvel was going to have something to do with Endgame. SOOO when one of the final scenes is Cpt. Marvel showing up on Earth and asking the Avengers “where’s Fury?” I almost went into shock in the movie theater. I was ready to run through a brick wall.
Awesome Stan Lee tribute during the opening Marvel Studios title card.
Negatives
It felt like a set-up to future films. The plot was good, but it never felt like an epic Marvel origin story. There’s a lot of ambiguity around Carol and her powers, which is OK since there are more Captain Marvel movies coming but just looking at this film it feels like a big set up. She got her powers from that battery blowing up… I guess? And they leave it at that, and we don’t really know what she all can do. Which is fine… but I left wanting more from Carol/Cpt. Marvel.
A big reason it feels like a set up to future films is Yon-Rogg… you don’t even know who that is do you? Exactly! He’s Jude Law, the… main? villain… I guess. He was just thrown in there to help smokescreen Carol from the truth, and he’s overshadowed big time by the Supreme Intelligence and even Ronan the Accuser! Ronan is in the movie for, like, two minutes and I felt like I’d rather see Carol VS Ronan… which would be sick, BTW. Make it happen, Disney or I’ll create a petition! Anyways, it felt like a set up for Captain Marvel squaring off against the Kree’s Supreme Intelligence in Captain Marvel 2 more than a stand-alone movie masterpiece.
As much as I like Brie as Carol… there are some parts where I was bored with her. But I think it was more the dialogue and the situations rather than Brie’s performance. It doesn’t happen a lot, but there are some instances where I go “eh.”
I can’t really count this as a major fault, but I’d rather see Captain Marvel in the short hair like Endgame. She looks soooo badass with the short hair.
Overall Grade: C+
It’s in the Thor, Doctor Strange and Iron Man 3 movie range. It’s good, but has some flaws to it putting it towards the end of my rankings. I, overall, like Brie Larson. I liked a lot of her performance with a couple blemishes. A below-average villain and ambiguity around Carol hurt it, but overall I liked it!
AceSite 