5th Trade Day–Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!

We’re changing things up this week. It’s almost Christmas, so instead of doing the Sunday as the trade day, we’re going to do it on Xmas since we get a HUGE Warriors-Lakers game. Kevin Durant next to that LeBron guy… MAYBEEEE!

Also, the league is in shambles right now. The injury bug has hit in a bad way and there are a ton of stars out right now. Here are the big names: 

• Donovan Mitchell (MIA) (2-4 months… Miami is screwed)
• Hassan Whiteside (1-2 weeks… Miami is really screwed)
• Jusuf Nurkic (WAS) (2-4 months) (Wizards were stacked before this garbage!)
• Jaylen Brown (day-to-day)
• Terrence Ross & Dennis Smith Jr. (Orlando was really fun, too)
• Luka Doncic (day-to-day)
• J-Butts (BKN) (1-2 weeks)
• Blake Griffin (1-2 weeks)
• CJ McCollum (day-to-day after missing a month)
• KAT (just got off of the injury list)

Christmas isn’t being very nice to our league right now. Especially to the Kings and Grizzlies… the Kings are 5-28 and had a 15 game losing streak until they beat the Grizzlies… who are 7-26 and on a 14 game losing streak. I’m thinking about removing the “untouchable” tag on Mike Conley and Buddy Hield because both could be fun on a better team. I mean, Memphis hasn’t won in a month! A literal month! Or maybe I’ll just release ‘em and have an auction or something like that to decide which team gets them. We’ll see. 

Merry Christmas! Here are the trade games 

Bucks-110
Knicks-93

Lol @ the Knicks. They had jack shit coming into this season but they’ve lost Dennis Smith Jr., some other average player and now Kevin Knox to the Bucks. I think I’m going to throw DeAndre Jordan up for auction with Conley and Hield, too. The Knicks are screwed and there’s no reason keeping any good talent there. Jordan killed me when I was playing with the Bucks so let’s get him to a good team after this week.

Trade: Kevin Knox to MIL for Sterling Brown

Thunder-87
Rockets-98

I got sick of the Thunder underachieving in both real life and this 2K season. I gave ‘em De’Aaron Fox on top of Russ and Paul and they still are barely above .500. So, I said screw it and took the Rockets over and took Russ away. Now Harden & Russ are reunited just like the real world. So sweet. OH, BY THE FRICKEN WAY. Somehow Chris Chiozza was starting for the Rockets after CP3 was traded… I am going to get Chris Chiozza to the Kings or Grizzlies for what he did to Wisconsin. 
YA KNOW WHEN HE DID THIS?!

TRADE: Russel Westbrook to HOU for Chris Chiozza

76ers-117
Celtics-96

This game, I didn’t care who won. I don’t like either of the teams and there was no preference so I simmed it. Philly won. Took Jayson Tatum. And have a really good starting 5 of Simmons, Redick, Tatum, Tobias “2K’s best player” Harris and Embiid. They’ve been way better without J-Butts, too. Ironic, huh?

TRADE: Jayson Tatum to PHI for Jonah Bolden 

Lakers-103
Warriors-115

MOTHER FUC… I have lost twice in a row playing with LeBron. Now that I cucked this up, I’m sorry again, T-Wolves fans. My plan was to get KD to LA, and the Lakers play Minnesota on the next trade day, so I was going to steal KD to Minneapolis but I CUCKED EVERYONE. 

Trade: Kyle Kuzma to GSW for Jordan Bell

Wait, wait, wait, wait… you’re telling me the first 9 guys in GSW’s rotation goes: Curry, Thompson, Durant, Draymond, Boogie, Jamal Murray, Rudy Gay, Kuzma and Iggy.

Blazers-88
Jazz-98

Poor, poor Portland. They were one of the better teams through the first part of the season, but with McCollum hurt, Nurkic gone and now Myers Leonard gone, that is some tough news. But when McCollum gets back that is still a fun backcourt!

Trade: Myers Leonard to UTA for Tony Bradley

West

1. Warriors 30-5 (With a lineup put together by God himself)
2. Lakers 21-13 (W/out Kuzma & they lost Lowry the last time too)
3. Jazz 20-15 (W/out Donovan Mitchell, W/Myers Leonard… hooray)
4. Rockets 19-14 (W/out CP3, W/Russ)
5. Nuggets 18-13 (W/out Murray)
6. Thunder 18-15 (W/Fox starting in place of Russ)
7. Suns 18-16 (W/Lowry, Jaren Jackson Jr.)
8. Spurs 18-16 (W/out DeRozan, W/Bob Covington)

East

1. Celtics 21-11 (W/out Tatum)
2. Pacers 21-13 (Haven’t played on a Trade Day)
3. 76ers 21-14 (W/out J-Butts, W/Tatum)
4. Bucks 20-13 (W/Cauley-Stein) (I’ve got some JUICY plans for the ole Buckaroos)
5. Wizards 20-14 (W/out injured Nurkic)
6. Magic 19-13 (W/DeRozan, W/out injured Dennis Smith Jr.)
7. Nets 17-18 (W/out injured J-Butts)
8. Raptors 17-18 (W/out Lowry)

Directed by Jon Watts
Release date: July 7th, 2017
Starring: Tom Holland, Michael Keaton, Robert Downey Jr., Marisa Tomei, Jacob Batalon
Box office worldwide: $880,166,924

Let’s keep the Spidey ball rolling! Earlier this week, I reviewed Spider-Man: Far From Home and now it’s onto the original MCU Spidey movie: Spider-Man Homecoming. Great title, BTW, since it was a homecoming for Spidey’s character rights back to Marvel. 

If you read the Far From Home review you probably got the sense that I’d been desperately wanting a phenomenal Spider-Man movie. McGuire’s and Garfield’s were decent, good and really bad movies but I had yet to see the “holy shit, my favorite superhero of all time just appeared in one of the best hero movies I’ve ever seen! Like, holy shit that was so good. I mean, Jesus H Christ that was phenomenal. Somebody grab the defibrillator because my heart sank into my f*****g shoes.” Ya know, one of those movies!?

Well, along came Homecoming and it was everything I’d hope for and more. I’ll preface this review by saying it exceeded all expectations and made it impossible for me to have Far From Home live up to its predecessor.

WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. 

Positives

• Here we go again. My man crush for Tom Holland is still prevalent! He kicks ass as the twerpy Spider-Man that wants more adult-like responsibilities. He’s great. I’ll end it at that. 
• You want a villain rooted in real-life with a sympathetic cause for villainy? Bang, you got it with Vulture. Adriam Toomes (AKA Vulture) is such a great villain because he’s this regular guy that got cucked by the government when he was trying to make a living by picking up scrap from the Battle of New York after The Avengers. That’s what a vulture does, guys! Great name, right? So Toomes gets sick of the government’s bullshit….

• ….and starts dealing in the black market, and he gradually turns into the bad guy thanks to pesky Spider-Man. I loved it. AND, we got Michael Keaton in the MCU?! GET IT IN MY VEINS. 
• Speaking of Vulture, the BEST twist in the entire MCU was when Peter shows up to pick up Liz (his prom date) and who answers the door??? ADRIAN F*****G TOOMES! First time I saw the movie, my jaw dropped and the entirely full theater went dead silent. Peter knows her dad is Vulture, and you can feel the tension rise once Toomes drives them to the prom. DAMNIT THEN WE GET THE DAD TALK SCENE OHHHHHDFL’KADMCKA… Me explaining it can’t do it justice, so do yourself a favor and watch the clip below. 

• Ok, I’ve settled. Peter Parker’s relationship with Tony Stark progresses here and it is bloody lovely. Tony in the mentor/father figure role is great. The reason Tony is my favorite character in the MCU is because of the mistakes he’s made and how he’s learned from them. What better character to chaperone Peter into responsible adulthood? Homecoming shows Peter making mistakes (hacking into the suit Tony gave him, screwing up on the barge scene) and Tony is right there pushing him towards greatness. It makes ya feel pure! Probably my favorite exchange in the entire film: 

• It feels like comic book Spider-Man. The unlucky kid that can’t turn away from trouble. After Tony takes the high tech suit, Peter is ready to move on and live a normal life. He’s ready to take Liz to the prom and then he discovers Toomes is Vulture and can’t ignore the call of trouble. And the BEST scene in the entire film is when Peter is trapped under rubble. He’s crying, ready to give in… but does the Spidey thing to do.
• Spidey VS Vulture on the big jumbo jet at the end is a fun scene. 
• The high school supporting cast of Ned, MJ and Flash are great. 
• Spidey movies doing a good job ending the film on cliffhangers. Aunt May walks into see Peter take off the Spidey suit and says “what the fu…!” Good stuff. 

Negatives

• The official poster sucks… just like Far From Home… that’s all I got for ya.

Overall Grade: A+

• I told ya, I really love this movie. This is the 4th A+ score I’ve handed out (GOTG, Avengers, Endgame). I’d guess most Marvel dweebs won’t have it this high, but I love this movie to the end of time. It’s so rewatchable, entertaining, heartfelt, and straight up fun!

MCU Ranking:

1. Guardians of the Galaxy
2. Avengers: Endgame
3. The Avengers
4. Spider-Man: Homecoming (Highest solo film so far… unless you count GOTG as a solo, but whatever.)
5. Captain America: Civil War
6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
7. Iron Man
8. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
9. Captain America: The First Avenger
10. Spider-Man: Far From Home
11. Ant-Man
12. Avengers: Age of Ultron
13. Thor
14. Doctor Strange
15. Iron Man 3
16. Iron Man 2
17. The Incredible Hulk
18. Thor: The Dark World

NEXT UP: Thor: Ragnorak or Captain Marvel

Directed by Jon Watts
Release Date: July 2nd, 2019
Starring: Tom Holland, Jake Gyllenhaal, Jacob Batalon, Zendaya, Samuel L. Jackson
Box office worldwide: $1,075,477,982

First off, if you think Tom Holland isn’t the best Spider-Man actor out there then I can’t take your movie opinions seriously. If you somehow think that this guy: 

Or this guy: 

Is a better Spider-Man than this guy: 

GTFO. Tom is as good as Spidey gets. PLUS, he actually looks like he’s in high school unlike Tobey Mac and Andy Garfield. Only reason I bring this up is because there were some dumb animals on Twitter saying Tom wasn’t the best Spidey… I think Garfield and McGuire are fine, but Tom is the GOAT

Ok, now: Spider-Man: Far From Home. It had a very tough test to live up to Spider-Man: Homecoming for me because that is one of my favorite MCU movies (I’ll review it next) (and just like how Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 had an impossible task of living up to Guardians of the Galaxy). Overall, it was real solid. I saw a lot of reviews from fanboys and fangirls that it’s a top 5 MCU movie… where does it rank for me?

Positives

• Tom Holland. Get it? I really f*****g love Tom as Spidey. He plays the awkward, dweeby Peter Parker to a T, and he plays the goofy, and bomb-ass Spider-Man to a T. It’s perfection and I hope Tom Holland plays this role for the rest of time. 
• Jake Gyllenhaal. Really, really, really good as Mysterio. Mysterio is one of my favorite villains from the comics because he’s so different than most, so I had major expectations for the character in the movie. And Gyllenhaal knocked it out of the park. He’s perfect in both roles of Mysterio: the new father-like figure to Peter Parker and the sociopath after we find out he’s a villain. 
• Mysterio’s powers/illusions are sooooo freakin’ cool. My favorite sequence of the entire film is when Quentin Beck lures Parker into the illusion for the first time in that empty building sequence. All the illusions that Beck puts on to trick Peter into giving up the names of his friends is great AND zombie Iron Man was a sick shot too. 

• Peter and MJ’s awkward, clunky relationship is adorable. And I love it. 
• I typically don’t like to count setting up sequels as a positive in the movie I’m reviewing, but Spidey’s ending and post credit scenes were so good that I’m yearning for the next movie. When Peter’s identity get cucked by Mysterio and the movie ends with Spidey saying “What the fu..” it’s incredible. AND WE GOT A J. JONAH JAMESON, PLAYED BY J.K. SIMMONS, CALLBACK FROM THE MCGUIRE SPIDEY. AND we also find out that the real Nick Fury is lounging in space somewhere while Talos was the one posing as Nick Fury on Earth. Again, soooo many possibilities on where to go with this. Space Avengers? SWORD? Idk! Also leads to my next point…
• After we find out that it’s Talos posing as Nick Fury, Samuel L Jackson’s performance becomes so much better. The first time I watched it, I thought to myself, “there’s something off about Jackson’s performance,” but I didn’t put too much stock into it. Now that I know he was playing Talos playing Nick Fury it makes much more sense on why Fury seemed a little too over-the-top-Fury, and it’s a great performance!
• The movie did a good job addressing the events and aftermath of Endgame without hindering on Endgame’s events. They addressed the “Snap” and the “Blip,” which is when everybody that got dusted returned, and they moved on to Peter handling the death of father figure Tony Stark. It was really emotional and worked uber well!
• We get fun web-slinging action in the final battle. Good fun 
• Fun bits like Peter calling AC/DC’s music Led Zeppelin and the tribute video to the Avengers from the school’s morning news anchors are both great. 

Negatives

• The traveling scene when Brad (the douche that wants to hook up with MJ) finds Peter in his underwear with that chick and when Peter accidentally orders a drone strike on Brad is a little gawky and prolonged. Those two scenes slowed down the 2nd act quite a bit. The point of it was to set up the drones for the final battle, but it just dragged on too long. It was still funny at times but I could’ve done with a more concise way to show the drones. Bottom line: the movie got a tad slow through the traveling scenes, and overall the 2nd act. 
• Ned and Betty’s relationship tried too hard to get a laugh throughout the movie. Could’ve done without it. 
• This is more of a nitpick than a serious gripe, but I didn’t like some of Beck’s Crew’s motives of helping Beck out. For instance, William Ginter Riva (the guy who appeared in Iron Man, which was a really fun callback overall I must admit) was apparently pissed off at Tony because he was fired from Stark Industries in the first Iron Man because he couldn’t build a suit…? So then wouldn’t that have been Obadiah Stane that fired him and not Tony Stark? Or maybe Tony fired him because he was helping Stane??? I’m not really sure… it’s just a nitpick. Beck needed a crew so I’m ok with letting the motives of the others slide. 
• Nothing against the actual movie, but the official movie poster is lame and looks like I could have done it in Microsoft Paint.

Overall Grade: B+

Another damn good movie from Marvel Studios. Many had it as a home run, but I like to think of it as a two-run double. It’s really, really good, I was thoroughly entertained, but it didn’t automatically put itself into the hall of fame… maybe after a few more watches it will change my mind! And for the billionth time, that’s not a bad thing because it’s impossible to live up to other MCU movies.

MCU Ranking

1. Guardians of the Galaxy
2. Avengers: Endgame
3. The Avengers
4. Captain America: Civil War
5. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
6. Iron Man
7. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
8. Captain America: The First Avenger
9. Spider-Man: Far From Home (I’d probably get castrated by Marvel fanboys for having FFH behind First Avenger, but this is where it falls.)
10. Ant-Man
11. Avengers: Age of Ultron
12. Thor
13. Doctor Strange
14. Iron Man 3
15. Iron Man 2
16. The Incredible Hulk
17. Thor: The Dark World

NEXT UP: Spider-Man: Homecoming

ONE LAST THING: I have wanted to see Spider-Man VS The Sinister 6 in a movie sooooooooooo god damn bad and we’re inching closer. We’ve got Mysterio, the Vulture, Shocker and Scorpion from Homecoming, and now we’re just missing a couple more. I’ve heard Kraven the Hunter is a possibility and all I want for Christmas for the next 10 years of my life is for Mark Hamill to be cast as… DOCTOR OTTO OCTAVIUS.

4th Trade Day-December 2nd

We have made it through November! And to catch you up on the season so far, here’s what’s happened:

• The Golden State “*clink, clink Warriorsss” are kicking everyone’s ass, have won 7 in a row and are the first to 20 wins. Plus they have Jamal Murray & Rudy Gay It’s not even fair. 
• Boston is leading the East right now and they haven’t made a trade. So they’re doing well with the team they had to begin the year. Must be nice to live up to expectations, eh Boston?

• Giannis is doing classic Giannis things and was named Easter Conference Player of the Month… James Harden was named Western Conference Player of the Month, but nobody cares.

Here’s this week’s trade games:

Suns-105
Lakers-86

Okayyy so much for operation “stack Lebron’s squad” because I just laid an egg. Holy shit I felt like my hands couldn’t work when LeBron would go to the bench. Even when he was on the floor I couldn’t score with him half the time! I blew it and now Lowry is a Sun. I think he’s the first player to be traded twice. It’s not the end of the world since they still have Lonzo and Rondo but it’s not good. 

TRADE: Kyle Lowry to PHX for Elie Okobo

Clippers-91
Mavericks-101

CP3, Luka, Kristaps. Not bad eh? Mavs still lack some role pieces but it’s a fun core that could make some headway in the West!

Trade: CP3 to DAL for Trey Burke

Pelicans-120
Hornets-116

Ummm I don’t know what to say about this. Congrats on getting Jeremy Lamb… I guess?

Trade: Jeremy Lamb to NO for Ian Clarke

Jazz-116
Heat-118

The Spida is taking his talents to South Beach and he’s gonna win not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6 championships… cuz he probably won’t win any. The Heat are below .500, are missing Hassan Whiteside due to injury BUT they still have Udonis Haslem. And scorin’ Goran!

Trade: Donovan Mitchell to MIA for Rodney McGruder

Grizzlies-90
76ers-108

The Sixers are T-Wolves 2.0! Traded Jimmy Butler earlier this year and now pick up Andrew Wiggins! If the Wolves stink for the remainder of the season, which won’t be the case because I have a plan, but now everyone can root for Wiggy on the Sixers… right? RIGHT?!

Trade: Andrew Wiggins to PHI for James Ennis

Trail Blazers-104
Spurs-123

Poor Portland. They were one of the best teams through the first month (still the 2nd highest scoring offense in the league) but they lost McCollum and Rodney Hood to injury, Nurkic to trade and now lost Bob Covington (who they acquired from the Wolves). I’m still on the Blazers when they get CJ back. That’s still a terrific 2K duo. 

Trade: Robert Covington to SAS for Alphonso McKinnie

West: 

1. Warriors 21-3 (W/Murray & Gay)
2. Jazz 15-9 (W/out Mitchell… good luck winning with Rudy and Ricky in 2K)
3. Suns 13-10 (W/Lowry)
4. Lakers 13-10 
5. Mavs 12-9 (W/ CP3)
6. Thunder 12-9 (W/ Fox)
7. Rockets 12-10 
8. Nuggets 12-10

East:

1. Celtics 16-7 (THIS is what should’ve been for dumbass Boston)
2. Wizards 15-8(W/ Nurkic)
3. Bucks 13-9
4. 76ers 14-11 (W/out J-Butts, W/Andrew Wiggins)
5. Pacers 13-10
6. Pistons 11-9
7. Magic 12-11 (W/DeRozan & Dennis Smith Jr.)
8. Raptors 12-12

3rd Trade Day-November 18th

Now I know this may be shocking to some… but I have found a new love for the Washington Wizards. I know, it seems insane but hear me out… 

Also, I’ve got some bad news and some bad news. CJ McCollum is hurt and Golden State might be unbeatable. And Wolves fans I swear I’m not trying to cuck you… but…. 

Grizzlies-111
T-Wolves-104

Oh boy. I didn’t think Memphis could win so I simuated and again T-Wolves fans… I’m sorry. Good news is Memphis took Andrew Wiggins! Everybody wants him gone right?? Bad news is you’re 6-11 BUTTTTT I’ve got something brewing to pull the Wolves out of the depths of hell.

TRADE: Andrew to Wiggins to MEM for Bruno Caboclo 

Lakers-119
Heat-96

I think the only way we’re going to threaten Golden State is by forming a super team for LeBron, and this franchise is pre-Anthony Davis so we’ve got a way to go. I already got him Lowry and the Heat didn’t have much to offer BUT I got LeBron his ole buddy D-Wade back! Just spit-balling here but maybe we get the sexy, slightly erotic Banana Boat Crew back together…
TRADE: Dewayne Wade to LAL for Reggie Bullock 

Knicks-85
Magic-103 

Not much to report here. The Knicks are ass, but the Magic are kinda fun! They already had DeRozan from last time and Vucevic and Gordon and now they added Dennis Smith Jr. Not too bad for the ole Magicians!

TRADE: Dennis Smith Jr. to ORL for Isaiah Briscoe

Trail Blazers-105
Wizards-122

HEAR ME OUT. I know it doesn’t sound possible since the Wiz’s locker room is one big cancer in real life but the Wizards are a shit ton of fun to play as. Beal is lights out, Wall is a god in the pick n roll with Dwight Howard and they got my guy Jabari Parker! Now with the win over Portland, Washingtn has added Jusuf Nurkic who is putting up really good numbers in this season. I’ve gotta say… they might be the most fun I’ve had so far this season. 

TRADE: Jusuf Nurkic to WAS for Ian Mahinmi 

Warriors-111
Spurs-70

This is ridiculous. GSW is unstoppable as it is but they just added Rudy Gay off the bench after beating San Antonio. I thought it would be fun to stack the Warriors and kick ass with them, but it’s just kind of boring when you’re up a billion on the other team. So now they’ve got the regular starting 5 with Jamal Murray, Gay and Iggy off the bench. Even the Monstars can’t beat this unit.

TRADE: Rudy Gay to GSW for Alfonzo McKinnie 

Playoff Picture though 5 weeks:

West:

1. Golden State 15-3 (W/Murray & Gay) 
2. Portland 11-5 (W/out Nurkic & an injured McCollum)
3. Utah 11-5 
4. Lakers 10-6 (W/ Lowry & D-Wade)
5. Oklahoma City 9-6 (W/De’Aaron Fox)
6. Phoenix 9-6
7. Mavericks 8-7
8. Nuggets 8-8

East:

1. Washington 11-5 (W/Nurkic)
2. Boston 10-6
3. Orlando 10-7 (W/DeRozan & Smith. Jr.)
4. Milwaukee 9-6
5. Detroit 8-5
6. Indiana 9-7
7. Charlotte 8-7
8. Brooklyn 8-9 (W/ Jimmy Butler… we need to get him to a good team)

NEXT SUNDAY’S SLATE OF GAMES:
Suns (W/Jarin Jackson Jr.) @ Lakers (W/Lowry & DWade)
Pelicans @ Hornets
Jazz @ Heat
Grizzlies @ 76ers (W/out J-Butts)
Clippers (W/CP3) @ Mavericks
Blazers (W/out Nurkic & an injured McCollum) @ Spurs (No DeRozan or Gay)

The sailors say Brandy you’re a fine girl (you’re a fine girl) what a good wife you would be (such a fine wife) yeah your eyes could steal the sailor from the sea (doo-duh-doo-deh-dehhh-deeeh-deehh)

Ok, so I’m really behind my rewatch. Life is busy (and I know how much you need your acesite MCU reviews… I receive the fanmail. I’ll do better!) and there’s other movies to watch and video games to play… and I guess work but who cares about that? At this point in my Marvel Cinematic Universe rewatch (I can’t call it the Road to Endgame anymore because that road is well past Endgame) Guardians of the Galaxy is still sitting at #1 on my list. Now, I’m talking Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

Vol. 2 is, I would say, as split as any MCU movie is terms of fan approval. There are some that think Vol. 2 is a jumbled story with a lot of corny jokes while there are others that think it’s a wonderful film about choosing your family with tremendous humor. 

Take a guess which group I identify with? You guessed it! I love this movie. This is another hill I’ll die on. Vol. 2 is the perfect story about friends & family and for someone who thinks of their friends as family, this movie hits right at home. 

Oh, and it’s f*****g hilarious.

Anyhowzle, let’s review Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2

Positives

• The “family” theme in GOTG2 is what sets it apart as one of my favorite MCU films. Peter’s actual dad was a douche and he realized Yondu has been his dad all along. Rocket turns away the only friends he’s had in his life and realized he needs them as his family. Gamora & Nebula’s relationship elevated itself through tragedy and even Drax had a breakthrough with Mantis. All the characters come to realizations about family and most of them are about choosing your family. It’s a beautiful theme that most of us should be able to empathize with unless you don’t have any friends, and if that’s the case… sorry?
• It’s a film about family, but it’s also a great developmental film for all the characters. Each character gets ample time to develop their stories. All of them get really good stuff but my favorite is Rocket. In the first Guardians film Rocket is a loner. He doesn’t care about anything except Groot, and Groot ends up kind of dying. Then he joins the Guardians and pushes them away because he’s afraid to lose them. AND THEN in Infinity War he loses them all. Great, tragic storytelling for ole Bradley Cooper.
• This might be a hot take… but the Awesome Mixtape 2 in GOTG2 is better than the first. Not by a lot but it’s slightly better. “The Chain.” “Brandy.” “Mr. Blue Sky.” “Fox on the Run.” “My Sweet Lord.” Father and Son.” All of them are bangers. Not to say the first Awesome Mixtape isn’t but I give the edge to the 2nd.
• The title scene makes me joyous. Baby Groot just being a hooligan for five minutes while the rest of the Guardians battle this intergalactic monster is exactly what I wanted to kick off GOTG2. So much fun. P.S. I love Baby Groot. 

• What an ending for Yondu. From when he says “he may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy,” to his funeral scene with the colors of Ogard splashing the screen. God damn that is good shit!

• Speaking of fathers, Ego is a great villain. I think this opinion is fairly split among the MCU fan base, but I love Ego. He’s a diabolical son of a bitch that disguised reality with all these happy-feely colors and created his own utopia that turned out to be a dystopia. It’s actually Mysterio-like (P.S. I’ll be reviewing Far From Home next). Plus, it’s Kurt Russell!
• 90% of the jokes land making it one of the funniest movies in the MCU for me. There are a couple here and there that are dumb, but I love most of the comedy bits. Some of my favorites:
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwXAw3hwHS4 (harbulary batteries)
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISTZYZq1H80 (Mary Poppins)
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVYYyV36BKk (FF to 1:10-“Did you make a penis?”)
• Sylvester Stalone plays a character name Stakar. The only reason I bring it up is that Stakar and the rest of the Ravager leaders you see at the end are from the original Guardians of the Galaxy comics. The only reason I know that is because I picked up a copy from the original run (yeah, I’m sick). Just kind of a cool easter egg! Same with Tazerface. He was the villain in the first comic and is a great cameo here!

Negatives

• The Sovereign (the gold people… what do you think their genitalia look like? Just gold bricks? Anyways) are used too much for my liking. Ego was the main villain but we had so much interference from Aisha and the Sovereign that it took some badassery away from Ego. It didn’t really make sense why they were involved so heavily to me. Plus, it felt like The Sovereign’s involvement was a set up for Volume. 3. 
• The “it’s not ripe” running joke wasn’t good. It was cringey… and speaking of cringe… my next point.

• Peter and Ego playing catch with that ball is sooooo cringey. I’m usually down for cheesiness in movies but this was wayyyyy too cringey for me. Everything about Chris Pratt and Kurt Russell playing catch with a sci-fi ball makes me laugh. 

Overall Grade: A-

It didn’t quite live up to expectations of the first Guardians film, but it didn’t need to. It’s thematic work is fantastic with the family angle and choosing family angle. It’s funny for the most part minus a few parts here and there, but it is a lovely movie that I can re-watch again and again and again.

MCU Ranking

1. Guardians of the Galaxy
2. Avengers: Endgame
3. The Avengers
4. Captain America: Civil War
5. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
6. Iron Man
7. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (It’s towards the bottom of the ELITE club which you can join with a one-time purchase of $50.)
8. Captain America: The First Avenger
9. Ant-Man
10. Avengers: Age of Ultron
11. Thor
12. Doctor Strange
13. Iron Man 3
14. Iron Man 2
15. The Incredible Hulk

NEXT UP: Spider-Man: Far From Home

Disney… you powerful sons a bitches. They’re going to own everything one day, but whatever they make some great movies so let ’em own the universe for all I care.

And what’s the easiest way to make money in Hollywood? Movies about merchandise. They made a movie on TOYS. The easiest thing to sell to kids, and kids in the 90’s and 2000’s ate them up. I’m telling ya, Disney owns the universe and controls, like, 70% of our current lives and 90% of our childhood memories.

THEY. OWN. YOU.

The Toy Story franchise covers 24 years with four remarkably fantastic movies. Toy Story 4 was just released last week and there were some skeptical about the movie (cough, cough you know who you are…), but Disney produced another home run.

With the new release, let’s rank the four films. **NOTE: they are all separated by the smallest of margins. I didn’t want to rank any of the movies 4th because I think they are all bangers and hold up on their own.

Anyways, here are my Toy Story Power Rankings.

No. 4: Toy Story (1995)

I’m sure this isn’t going to be a popular opinion. It’s still a phenomenal film that kicked off one of my favorite series of all-time, but it ranks behind the other three for me. Woody being jealous of Buzz and then having to work together to take down Sid is an awesome film, but I enjoyed the last three more where the whole gang is working together instead of being divided. Maybe I’m just a softie.

No. 3: Toy Story 2 (1999)

The 2nd installment holds a nostalgic feeling for me. It was the Toy Story film I watched most as a kid . I loved the intro of Jesse, Bullseye, The Prospector, Barbie, Mrs. Potato Head and Zurg. The new characters and the final scene at the airport puts #2 just ahead of the original. Oh, and this satisfying scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPcazyfQ19o

No. 2: Toy Story 4 (2019)

Oof. Talk about heartwarming, pure and emotional. All characteristics that sum up the Toy Story franchise, but the 4th edition does it brilliantly. Forky is a great addition to the gang, it’s a ton of fun and the ending (WHICH I WON’T GIVE AWAY IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET) tugs at the ole’ heart strings. Just a great ending (I think?) to the franchise and what felt like my childhood…

No. 1: Toy Story 3 (2010)

Again, this was such a tough decision. The 4th one was great, and I was even contemplating putting the 2nd one as the best, but I went with #3 as instead. Lots-0 is a great villain to the gang, it was emotional seeing Andy grow up and give away his toys and the scene where it looks like they’re all going to burn alive… WHOAAAAA! Plus, Bonnie is a sweetheart. Oh, and I loved Ken and Barbie-had me cracking up. They all rock.

2nd Trade Day-N0vember 4th, 2018

Our 2nd trade day features roughly double the games we saw on the first Trade Day. Golden State is still dominating with Jamal Murray, the Atlanta Hawks are still somehow  in the thick of things East, we get Kawhi VS LeBron and the Timberwolves (who just beat Golden State earlier this week… not bad huh??) have a chance to beat the highest scoring offense in the league: Portland. Which means McCollum to Minnesota… think about that and sploosh, Minnesota fans. 

For those that need a refresher on what this series is about:

I control every team in the league (although I set the CPU to manage lineups, but I do front office mumbo jumbo). The 1st and 3rd Sundays every month are what I’m going to call “Trade Days.” If a team plays on one of those Trade Days and WINS then they can force trade for someone from the team they just beat. If a team plays and LOSES on a Trade Day then they give up someone from their team.

For instance, if the Bucks beat the Raptors (life is pain) then the Bucks could trade for someone like Kyle Lowry with no budget restrictions or any lamesauce like that.

They can’t trade for Kawhi because I’m also designating one player from each team as an untouchable for the season.

Here’s the schedule for the 2nd Trade Day:

And here are the results:

Kings-109
Bucks-115
Another big exhale as the Bucks beat the Kings and can pretty much sentence Sacremento to a season of shit. It was either Willie Cauley-Stein or Marvin Bagley Jr. Allouicious III… so I guess they’ll take Cauley-Stein since he’s averaging a double-double. 
TRADE: Willie Cauley-Stein to MIL to be reminded of 38-1 Kentucky (On Wisconsin) for Christian Wood

76ers-106
Nets-125
Oh boy. Nobody wants to see the Nets good, and I don’t want to see Spencer Dinwiddie achieve success either.

COUPLE THINGS, SPENCER: Jon being Aegon was a MAJOR REASON why Dany felt cornered and isolated, and it eventually drove a wedge between her and Jon forcing Dany to go Mad Queen on the bit, Dany did not go instantly crazy and did you really bleep out the word “hoe?”

Thanks a lot, Philly… 

TRADE: Jimmy Butler to BKN for something called Dzanan Musa… lol get wrecked, Philly. 

Knicks-95
Wizards-118
The Knicks are now 1-9 on the season, so at least that’s realistic. Do the Wizards (6-3) even want anyone from New York? I guess Emmanuel Mudiay? He’s the highest overall and has an “A” rating in the #midrange department. 

TRADE: Emmanuel Mudiay to WAS for something called Chasson Randle

Magic-124
Spurs-118
Come on! I can’t do this to Pop! They lost to the Magic??? Mo Bamba had a double-double?? Markelle Fultz went 0-2 at the FT line lol. 

TRADE: DeMar DeRozan to ORL for Melvin, wait, his name is Melvin??? God damnit, I’m so sorry, Pop… I should’ve played that game as the Spurs, Frazier.

Grizzlies-107
Suns-113
LET’S GO! I want to give Devin Booker & DeAndre Ayton some help. Booker is a ton of fun in 2K and we need to #MakeTheSunsGreatAgain. The problem is PHX either trades for Jonas Valanciunas and has Ayton off the bench or they get Jaren Jackson Jr. whose got a worse rating than Valanciunas, but Jackson would also improve the PF position by a couple points… 

TRADE: Jaren Jackson Jr. to PHX for Ray Spalding

Timberwolves-99
Trail Blazers-111
To all the Timberwolves fans: I’m sorry. I tried taking matters into my own hands to get you guys CJ McCollum… and I butchered it. KAT had 36, Wiggins had 20, D-Rose had a double-double… and it wasn’t enough. And now you just lost Bob Covington. Oh, and you’re 2-8 now. 

TRADE: Robert Covington to POR for Maurice Harkless (It could be worse! Wolves get Mo Harkless at least…)

Raptors-91
Lakers-105
Give LeBron help! I failed the T-Wolves but I helped the Fighting LeBrons. I didn’t want to hurt Toronto but as Thanos would say “The hardest choices require the strongest wills.”

TRADE: Kyle Lowry to LAL for Isaac Bonga

Playoff picture through 3 weeks:

West

1. Jazz 8-1
2. Trail Blazers 8-2 
3. Warriors 8-2 (W/Jamal Murray)
4. Suns 7-2 (W/ Jaren Jackson Jr.)
5. Spurs 5-4 (W/out DeMar Derozan)
6. Lakers 5-5 (W/Kyle Lowry)
7. Rockets 4-4 (W/out CP3)
8. Thunder 4-4 (W/De’Aaron Fox)

East

1. Magic 6-3 (W/DeMar Derozan)
2. Bucks 6-3
3. Wizards 6-3
4. 76ers 6-5(W/out Jimmy Butler)
5. Celtics 5-4
6. Hawks 5-4 (Get out of here)
7. Pacers 5-5
8. Nets 5-5 (W/Jimmy Butler)

Now that 2K is cheap enough for this cheapskate to buy, I’ve decided to dive into some video game posts on the site.

I’m doing a 2K season… but it’s a little different. Here’s how it works:

I control every team in the league (although I set the CPU to manage lineups, but I do front office mumbo jumbo). The 1st and 3rd Sundays every month are what I’m going to call “Trade Days.” If a team plays on one of those Trade Days and WINS then they can force trade for someone from the team they just beat. If a team plays and LOSES on a Trade Day then they give up someone from their team.

For instance, if the Bucks beat the Raptors (life is pain) then the Bucks could trade for someone like Kyle Lowry with no budget restrictions or any lamesauce like that.

They can’t trade for Kawhi because I’m also designating one player from each team as an untouchable for the season.

Here are the untouchables:

76ers: Joel Embiid
Bucks: Giannis
Bulls: Zach Lavine
Cavs: Kevin Love
Celtics: Kyrie
Clippers: Danilo Gallinari
Grizzlies: Mike Conley (Oh, the irony)
Hawks: John Collins
Heat: Hassan Whiteside
Hornets: Kemba Walker
Jazz: Rudy Gobert
Kings: Buddy Hield
Knicks: DeAndre Jordan
Lakers: LeBron
Magic: Nikola Vucevic
Mavericks: Kristaps Porzingis
Nets: D’Angelo Russell
Nuggets: Nikola Jokic
Pelicans: Anthony Davis (Irony)
Pistons: Blake Griffin
Raptors: Kawhi
Rockets: Harden
Spurs: LaMarcus Aldridge
Suns: Devin Booker
Thunder: Paul George
T-Wolves: KAT
TrailBlazers: Lillard
Warriors: Curry
Wizards: Wall

The idea is to jumble teams up and create some badass super teams along the way while also maintaining at least some talent on every team. I’m not recording any gameplay either. It’s just a simplistic video game series of posts that talks about what happened in my fantasy NBA dreamland. If y’all have any questions, or comments let me know!

Ok, let’s begin!

October 21st, 2018:

Our first Trade Sunday of the ‘18-’19 season! To reiterate, for the teams that play on this Sunday, if they lose they lose a player to the victorious team. If they win they take one from the losers.

Here’s the schedule for the first Trade Sunday:

Here are the results from Sunday: I simulated all of them but the Warriors… I played as the Warriors to knock off the rust.

Hawks-111
Cavs-104

In some paradoxical universe the Hawks are 3-0 after a half of a week. Atlanta (or at least me controlling Atlanta) decided to trade for Colin Sexton. The Cavs didn’t have any sexy (lol get it?) available players so I thought it would be sick to get Sexton and Trae Young on the same team. It’s not like the shitty Hawks are going to be good for long!

TRADE: Colin Sexton to ATL for something called Jaylen Adams

Kings-88
Thunder-96

*PHEW* I simulated this game and if Sacramento would’ve won and taken Russell Westbrook I would have been pissed. Nobody wants Sacramento to be fun? But OKC won and decided to take De’Aaron Fox. It was between Fox and Marvin Bagley Jr. Alouicious III, and I figured getting Fox next to Russ & PG3 would be a lot more entertaining than Bagley Jr. Alouicious III.

TRADE: De’Aaron Fox to OKC for UNC legend Raymond Felton

Warriors-132
Nuggets-101

Lol. So I needed a warmup to get back into 2K so I picked playing with the Warriors and I won… Keep in mind, this 2K roster didn’t take injuries into account, so they’re playing with healthy Boogie & KD & Klay. And now they just traded for Jamal Murray from Denver…

TRADE: Jamal Murray to GSW for Shaun Livingston

Rockets-114
Clippers-118

Mother… I didn’t want Houston to lose… I wanted some studs around James Harden. Oh well, Clipps get Chris Paul back which is kind of fun.

TRADE: Chris Paul to LAC for Tyrone “Smoochie” Wallace

Playoff picture through 1 week:

West

1. Warriors 3-0 (W/Jamal Murray)
2. Trailblazers 2-0
3. Nuggets 2-1
4. Clippers 2-1 (W/CP3)
5. Suns 1-1
6. Grizzlies 1-1
7. Fighting LeBrons 1-1
8. Jazz 1-1

East

1. 76ers 3-0
2. Hawks 3-0 (shut up)
3. Pacers 2-1
4. Magic 2-1
5. Raptors 2-1
6. Bulls 1-1
7. Wizards 1-1
8. Bucks 1-1

And there ya go! I’ll be releasing these every once in a while. Let me know your feedback on the idea and how dumb the Warriors are.

Directed by Scott Derrickson
Release Date: November 4th, 2016
Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Tilda Swinton, Rachel McAdams, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Mads Mikkelsen
Box Office Worldwide: $677,718,395

We’ve made it to the best movie in the MCU if you want to drop acid: Doctor Strange.

I’M NOT CONDONING ACID… but IF you’re going to do it, watch Doctor Strange and let me know if you survive. Or maybe you’re on acid right now and reading this! I’ll try and splash colorful images and kaleidoscopes in the article.

Up front, I’ll say Doctor Strange was hurt by Infinity War because of how awesome Stephen Strange is in that movie. Benedict Cumberbatch is good in Doctor Strange, but he takes his character to another level in Infinity War. Strange was possibly my favorite character in Thanos’ attack on Earth. Doctor Strange is still a fun flick, but it hasn’t aged as well as some of the other movies in the MCU.

FUN FACT: Dormammu’s voice/facial look is Benedict Cumberbatch mixed with a different actor’s voice!

Anyways, let’s review Doctor Strange!

Positives

• The story is very similar to Tony Stark’s but the one difference I love is that Stephen Strange is a complete prick. Tony at least seems like a fun guy in the first Iron Man, but Strange is arrogant, condescending and is a colossal a-hole to the chick he loves, or at least has a crush on. I love how arrogant and rude he is. I don’t want to root for the guy in the beginning, but that’s what makes it different from other MCU movies, and it’s super entertaining! Even with how big of a richard he is the movie still does a good job to change your perspective on him after he gets in the car accident, hits rock bottom, and then climbs out a different person. You go from wanting to kick the guy’s ass to cheering for his ass!
• I liked how they didn’t spend a lot of time on his backstory. The movie showed us he was a dick, got in an accident and we get his Dr. Strange training pretty early on.
• Wong is terrific. We don’t get a lot of him in the film, but I love the stubborn goof-ball listening to Beyonce on his phone! Plus, he works really well with Dr. Strange. Especially when Strange is trying to get Wong to laugh… good clean family humor! Give me more Wong!

• “Dormammu, I’ve come to bargain.” I love this ending! It’s trippy and much different than anything we’ve had in the MCU prior. I love it’s creativity!

• The visuals are obviously terrific. All the magic-y stuff looks great. The best visual is when Strange and Mordo are battling Kaecilius through New York, and you see the city turned inside-out, upside down, etc. Some real fun stuff.
• There were some people pissed off that The Ancient One was cast as a white woman instead of an Asian man, but I really liked Tilda Swinton as The Ancient One. She, along with his romantic interest Christine Palmer, is the push that Strange needed to stop being a douche. And she delivered one of my favorite lines of the entire MCU: “Death is what gives life meaning.” I was like, “whoa that’s deep.”
• The first scene when the Cloak of Levitation catches Stephen and he appears as Dr. Strange from the comics is awesome.

Negative

• My biggest negative of this movie is that Strange and his mystic arts aren’t nearly as neat as they are in Infinity War. In Infinity War we get to see Strange create all those arms and create, like, 50 different Stranges and use the bright red whips when he fights Thanos. We don’t see a lot of cool Dr. Strange-ey mystic arts spells in the first movie. We get some cool stuff from The Ancient One and Kaecilius, but not a lot from Strange himself.
• Speaking of Kaecilius, he is… blah. Take away Malekith from Thor: The Dark World and Kaecilius is the most forgettable villain in the MCU. His motive isn’t compelling. He betrayed The Ancient One to put the world in darkness in cahoots with Dormammu because… he’s pissed? I guess there’s a comic prelude to the movie that says Kaecilius lost his family and thought The Ancient One could bring them back, but that’s not in the movie so he’s a negative.
• I’m indifferent on the action scenes in Doctor Strange. They’re really great concepts and set in great settings and events such as the fight in the mirror dimension with New York bending around them and also the final battle when everything else is in reverse. Those are great ideas for battles that haven’t been executed before, but they turned out to be… not as good as I’d hope. There not bad but not great.

Overall Grade: C+

• I gave it a C+ (same as Thor). It’s a good movie! Nothing spectacular about it but it is a good movie that lost some flair to it once Infinity War came out but good none the less.

MCU Ranking

1. Guardians of the Galaxy
2. Avengers: Endgame
3. The Avengers
4. Captain America: Civil War
5. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
6. Iron Man
7. Captain America: The First Avenger
8. Ant-Man
9. Avengers: Age of Ultron
10. Thor
11. Doctor Strange (Just ‘cuz it’s towards the bottom, doesn’t mean it’s bad… these are all really good!)
12. Iron Man 3
13. Iron Man 2
14. The Incredible Hulk
15. Thor: The Dark World