Road to Endgame: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Directed by Alan Taylor
Release Date: November 8th, 2013
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Christopher Eccleston, Anthony Hopkins
Box Office Worldwide: $644,571,402

Thor: The Dark World (TTDW) picks up after the events of Thor & The Avengers with Thor trying to acquire peace across the 9 Realms. He misses Jane Foster, Loki is in jail and Jane is still lame and does nothing to help the movie.

Ok, now that I got ya up to speed, LET’S GET INTO THE JUICY MATERIAL… here’s my continuation of sexy Chris Hemsworth gifs from my Thor review.

That’s all you need to know about TTDW…

In all seriousness, when I first saw this movie I actually liked it more than the first Thor. It was filled with more Thor-y scenes and Star Wars-like battles which was awesome! But after watching it a 2nd time, my likeness for it decreased… significantly. After a handful of viewings, it was obvious this wasn’t the MCU’s best film, and a lot of people don’t care for it. I won’t go as far to say I don’t like it because I’m a Marvel rube, but I have my issues with it. It’s probably the only review where the negatives outweigh the positives. I don’t hate the movie… I actually like it, but critically… it has it’s issues.

Even with sexy Chris Hemsworth.

Anyways, here are my positives & negatives on Thor: The Dark World

Positives

• Just like the first movie, Loki is my phenomenal and easily my favorite character in the movie. Coming off of the Attack on New York, Loki’s put in prison for his crimes and it’s taken a toll on him even though he tries to cover it up. The turmoil he’s going through is shown brilliantly by Tom Hiddleson. The inner struggle of Loki makes him such a compelling character. Fantastic stuff as always, Mr. Hiddleston.
  • We also get to see Loki cut up some Dark Elves on The Dark World and I am all about it! It’s a personal favorite because we get to see Loki ball out and cut some bitches up and I AM ALLLLLL ABOUT IT!

• Loki & Thor are brilliant together again. This time it’s more of a comedic, back-and-forth snickering, and it’s by far the most entertainment we get in the film.
• The Dark World has one of the more beautiful/sad scenes in the MCU. After Frigga (Thor’s mother) is murdered, the funeral scene is emotional and hits ya right in the gut! Frigga isn’t a “main character”, but her death feels uber sad because of Thor, Odin and Loki’s reactions and the funeral is breathtakingly scenic. It also reminds me of Hoster Tully’s funeral from Game of Thrones funeral which makes it that much better. (If you didn’t get that last reference go watch Game of Thrones NOW).
• The Dark Elves’ attack on Asgard feels like a colonial Star Wars attack and I dig it! I don’t love the elves as villains but their ambush on Asgard is very entertaining.
• Thor’s battle with Malekith is somewhat fun. It’s not a complete positive but it’s a fun battle for the most part… or at least the part where they’re fighting through portals to different planets.

Negatives

• I’m a broken record from the first Thor review, but I. Can’t. Stand. Natalie. Portman. As. Jane. Foster. Her entire time being on-screen is beyond annoying. Here is the cringiest of cringey lines:

Jane Foster: Is that a quantum field generator?

Nurse: It’s a soul forge.

Jane Foster: Well, does a soul forge transfer molecular energy from one object to another.

Nurse: [Surprised] Yes.

Nurse: Yes.

Jane Foster: Hmm. Quantum field generator.

Ace Sauerwein: That’s not funny.

• If you don’t remember that dialogue or the scene it’s from, then that’s good. Nurses on Asgard are looking at Jane because she’s got the Aether in her and she’s asking questions about shit trying to act all cute and smart BUT SHE SUCKS!… ok I’m good now. Speaking of the Aether, it pisses me off that the Aether ended up in lame-ass mortal Jane Foster… she shouldn’t be able to have the Reality Stone in her! It’s BS
• Ok I’m done with Jane Foster… but here’s another lame character: Malekith. The biggest criticism people have of the MCU is villians (I don’t agree with most of them, but that’s besides the point). Malekith is the #1 cause of this criticism. He is hands-down the worst villain out of all the movies. There is no connection with the audience. All the movie tells us about Malekith is that he got screwed over thousands of years ago, he’s back, he wants the red liquid to… turn the world to darkness? And he barely gets any lines… oofda. Very forgettable!

• The other big criticism MCU movies get is that the humor steps over the action and drama and that is definitely an issue in The Dark World. There are many forced jokes like Darcy making out with her intern and Dr. Selvig saying “let me grab my pants,” at what could’ve been a sick moment. It was too much sometimes.
• Overall, the movie never feels like it hits an epic climax… there are decent parts but they never seem to find traction to make a great, complete piece.

Overall Grade: C-

• I won’t ever give a terrible grade to an MCU movie, but this is as low as it gets. I went with a C- because it is definitely the worst movie in the MCU… but I still enjoy it because I’m a rube. It’s got two of my least favorite characters in the MCU, the story is blah and doesn’t pull you in, BUT it still has its moments. There are some great moments between Thor & Loki and some good fight scenes, but the good is taken away at times by awkward “humor” and a jumbled story.

MCU Ranking

1. The Avengers
2. Iron Man
3. Captain America: The First Avenger
4. Thor
5. Iron Man 3
6. Iron Man 2
7. The Incredible Hulk
8. Thor: The Dark World (I’ll tell ya right now, nothing is getting lower than this)

NEXT UP: Guardians of the Galaxy (F*** YES)